Midnight Sun Continuation
by superbananahanna
Summary: As you probably know Stephenie Meyer wrote the Twilight Saga, and announced she was writing Midnight Sun Twilight from Edward's perspective , it was leaked, and she stopped writing, I thought this was unfair to her fans, so I continued it myself :


**DISCLAIMER: THE CHARACTERS, STORY LINE, AND SOME DIALOGUE IN THIS DOCUMENT ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER, THIS IS PURELY FAN FICTION FOR THE TWILIGHT SAGA!**

"Oh, Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow it's my turn."

Her forehead puckered. "Your turn to what?"

"Ask the questions." Tomorrow, when we were in a safer place, surrounded by witnesses, I would get my own answers. I grinned at the thought, and then I turned away because she made no move to leave. Even with her outside the car, the echo of the electricity zinged in the air. I wanted to get out, too, to walk her to her door as an excuse to stay beside her…

No more mistakes. I hit the gas with a sigh as she disappeared behind me. It seemed like I was always running toward Bella or running away from her, never staying in the same place. I would have to find some way to hold my ground if we were ever going to have any peace.

From the time I left Bella until the time I crept back up to her window at night is always what seems to be the longest time I've ever had to live through as an immortal.

At our house of vampires I heard Rosalie's insults, Esme and Carlisle's enormous happiness and pride they felt for me of which I no where near deserved. I didn't even want to think about what I saw inside of Alice's visions. Emmett and Jasper's minds were tolerable, Jasper didn't approve of what I was doing to the family, and Bella for that matter, but he didn't voice—or think it—as much as Rosalie does.

But when I was at Bella's house it was an overwhelming mixture of relief and frustration. Relief came because for once it was silent…well almost silent, Charlie's half-blocked thoughts were there, but easy to push out of my head. Though every time Bella tossed or turned, there was the ache to know what she was thinking at that second. Every time she muttered my name, it was pure agony to not know what she was dreaming of.

At an attempt to pass the time, and to brighten my mood, I played a new composition for the piano that I had been working on. What I was playing now could not compare to the lullaby I was working on before—the one Bella inspired. So my new composition slowly drifted back into the lullaby.

Whenever I started playing, everyone's thoughts did become kinder, and more relaxed—that was the other reason I had been playing so much lately.

When darkness finally covered Forks, I decided it was late enough to pay a visit to Bella. This time came much too late, anxious was a severe understatement to what I felt all day today.

Then I remembered that dangerous electric force between Bella and I that occurred once in Biology and again in my car. What if that happened tonight, when I was smothered with the scent of her room, her clothes, her house, _her_. What if I couldn't resist the urge to get closer and closer to her until the scent was too much and…then I heard her soft voice from the story above and all of my worries melted away.

I scaled the side of her house in the speed of light to see her as soon as possible. I crept through her window and was I was immediately surrounded by her scent. Though it was substantially easier to resist, I believe I am starting to get a bit desensitized to her. If that was true and it got easier and easier, maybe this could be possible.

When I saw her lying in her bed she looked peaceful, but she _was _talking a lot. It seemed that I was the star in her dreams again. She muttered my name a few times in a tired voice.

"Edward mmm…please, Edward, don't leave me." I would love to never leave her, I only dream of being with her forever, though I knew it was impossible…unless I did ask my father to…no I couldn't give into Alice's visions of her as one of us.

The rest of the night was uneventful, she muttered a few things about me, but then she fell into a deeper sleep and didn't talk anymore.

Once I had been home, changed, and got in my car, I left to pick up Bella for school. I waited until Chief Swan left in his cruiser before I pulled into the short, brick driveway. I waited—inside my car this time—for Bella to come out the door.

When she left her house and locked the door behind her, she looked eager to see me…almost as eager as I was to see her. I remembered that she agreed to this being my day to ask her questions. I would get my answers today, at last.

"Good morning." I said, using a soft voice. "How are you today?" I studied the features of her face, she looked like she hadn't slept very well last night. Her melted chocolate eyes were somehow lighter today, maybe because of the dark circles under her eyes. Her whole face was just glowing today.

"Good, thank you." She replied, seeming like she really meant it.

"You look tired." Her eyes were full of exhaustion.

"I couldn't sleep," She swung her hair over her shoulder. Today she was wearing a more flattering outfit than the lumpy green sweater she wore yesterday. Today it was a plain brown, long sleeved t-shirt that had a lower neckline so I could see the hollow beneath her throat like that night in Port Angeles.

"Neither could I," I teased. After I said this she dropped her eyes to the car floor, then I noticed she had a brown shine of powder over her eyes—eye shadow. Not once before this moment had I seen her wearing any form of makeup, was she doing this now to impress me?—no I mustn't be so self-involved, maybe I just hadn't noticed before…

She laughed softly. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did." This was a frightening truth, I would give almost anything to be able to escape consciousness for just a few hours like humans can.

"I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked.

I chuckled. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask the questions."

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" Where to start? There were _so _many burning questions that I had to ask her.

I started simple. "What's your favorite color?" I asked, trying to not let my face give anything away.

She rolled her eyes as if she knew I was going to ask that, as if it was the first thing that the most normal person in the world would ask. "It changes from day to day."

"What's your favorite color today?"

"Probably brown." Odd, I was expecting her to answer with a brighter color, something like pink, or blue, like most human girls. But I guess Bella wasn't exactly a normal girl.

I snorted and let more emotion seep into my expression. "Brown?"

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss _brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown—tree trunks, rocks, dirt—is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," she complained. This made sense, this town does not have much brown in it. One of my first nights listening to  
Bella sleep she said "it's too green".

"You're right." I took the humor out of my face again. Bella's magnetic pull seemed to seep through again. I had the same urge to touch her, and move closer to her. "Brown is warm." I finally gave into the pull but just slightly. I swept her soft hair behind her shoulder.

By then we were at school, so I turned my body toward her.

I asked another simple question. "What music is in your CD player right now?" The pull toward her was growing. I couldn't bare it! The ache to pull her warm, fragile body against my cold, immortal one was worse than the burning in my throat. I had to concentrate so hard that the pain seeped into my expression. Though I could see she noticed it, so I quickly covered it up with a soft, encouraging smile.

She had to think about that question for a little bit, she must not use her CD player much. She said the name of the band and I recognized it immediately. In fact I had that CD sitting in a compartment in the car.

"Debussy to this?" I raised an eyebrow.

We listened to the CD while I asked question after question, until we had to leave the car to get her to class on time.

The rest of the day continued this way, every class I walked her to I asked her questions about places she's traveled, places she wished to go, books she'd read, books she wanted to read but weren't available in our poor excuse for a library. That seemed to be almost a passion of hers, reading.

She blushed a little after many of her answers, and that always inspired new questions. I had once asked what her favorite gemstone was. She immediately blurted out, "Topaz." This time she blushed crimson red, there must be something behind her answer.

"Tell me," I tried 'dazzling' her again, it wasn't easy since I didn't know what I was going after, but it seemed to work.

"It's the color of your eyes today," that was certainly unexpected. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx." She looked like she wanted to get away from the subject, so I dropped it…for now.

"What kinds of flowers do you prefer?" I started with the fast question and answer again, like before.

In biology we had to watch more of the depressing movie, _Lorenzo's Oil_, the movie was bad enough, but then when the lights were out, I expected that same spark between Bella and I to flare up again. Mr. Banner was late to the biology room again, but when he got there he was lugging the audiovisual frame. He switched out the lights and my prediction was confirmed.

This time, the magnetic pull was even worse. I didn't know if I can bare this hour without touching her. I tried to slide a bit further away from Bella, but it didn't work. The electricity was still there, and the further away I moved, the more powerful it became.

Bella obviously could feel it too because a few seconds later she started to clutch the desk's edge as if to support herself. She also tried to avoid looking at me as much as possible, though I was looking at her the whole hour.

When the class was over—at last—Mr. Banner switched on the lights and the electricity faded, it was a tremendous relief! I waited for Bella to gather her things so that I could walk her to gym. We walked in silence again, still recoiling from what we both just had to sit through.

Like yesterday, her body's warmth radiated all around me so much, that I just _had_ to put my icy hand against her fragile warm skin again. So I stroked once from her temple to her jaw with the back of my hand. It felt amazing, the most amazing sensation I had ever known. It took all of my self control not to pull her as close as our bodies would allow, hold her, and never let go.

During Spanish, I watched Bella engage in badminton for gym class. She didn't hit anyone this time, though she didn't hit the birdie at all either.

I heard in Ben's mind that he _had _asked out Angela, and she _did _say yes. So I did get to give Angela what she wanted, excellent! The rest of Spanish passed like usual—slow.

When Spanish was over, I ran at a speed so quick that no human could see, to pick up Bella from gym. When I saw her face I smiled and went on with more interrogating questions.

My questions now demanded for longer answers, and she didn't seem to mind. We sat in my car for hours talking. It was fascinating, getting answers to all—well not quite all—of the questions I had been saving up for far too long now.

After I asked about her desires for a sibling, I paused longer than between any other question. "Are you finished?" She definitely wanted to the questioning to be over.

"Not even close—but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" When she was with me she forgot about most things around her, as I do too—though not to the extent that her as a human does. "How late is it?" She searched for the clock on the car and gasped when she found it.

"It's twilight," I looked at the horizon, the sun setting into the thick, dark clouds. This was the most painful part of day for me. When I had to leave Bella.

"It's the safest time of day for us," She hadn't asked the significance of twilight, but she didn't have to. I could see the question burning in her chocolate eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" Though in the darkness my fascination with Bella didn't end, I continued to get to watch and study her. So the night wasn't _too _uneventful for me.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars. Not that you see them here much." Yes with the constant cloud cover here in Forks, it was rare to have a starry night.

I laughed, mostly to lighten the solemn mood.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Thanks, but no thanks." I wish she would tell her father she would be with me, I needed motivation to bring Bella back or who knows what would happen. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not!" I still had thousands of questions in store for her tomorrow. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?"

"You'll find out tomorrow." There was so much more, there was everything left to ask about. It was all impossibly intriguing.

"Not good." I heard Billy Black's thoughts race into my mind. He couldn't be far away.

"What is it?" she asked surprised.

"Another complication."

"Charlie's around the corner," I stared at Billy's car when it came into view, he had obviously seen me already. Great. Bella quickly hopped out of the car and into the downpour. I sped out of her driveway to get out of there as fast as I could.

Billy's son, Jacob, was with him. After Bella's 'flirting' with him at the beach, I'm sure he'd be having similar fantasies to Mike Newton about Bella. I did not want to hear those thoughts, so I had to get away. Fast.

I sped through the sheeting rain back to where I should be already. I had to wait out the next few hours until I could feel the heat of Bella's body near me once again.

**12. Balancing **

I followed the same routine as the past week. When Charlie's cruiser left the brick driveway, I would take his spot. Today, Bella did not take long to come out of the small house. She climbed right into the car today with no hesitation.

It was such a relief to see her conscience face again. I grinned and that made Bella's breath stop all together for a moment.

"How did you sleep?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

"Fine. How was your night?" she asked, with burning curiosity in her eyes.

"Pleasant." Last night was a great night, Bella jabbered on about me for hours in her sleep. She never wanted me to leave, and she did once refer to me as an angel. That is such an oxy-moron. I'm much closer to a devil than I am an angel.

"Can I ask what you did?" This question would obviously come up again, but I couldn't answer it now, I had too many questions of my own to ask her.

"No. Today is still _mine_."

I started the questioning about the different people that are important in her life. I wanted to know more about Bella's mother, Renee, any other family members, classmates from Phoenix. I also brought up the awkward topic of past boyfriends. It turns out she was as inexperienced as me when it came to our romantic lives.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" it seemed shocking that she had never been with _anyone _else.

"Not in Phoenix." This statement made me want to jump up, giddy, and rip out a mountain lion's throat. I had already known that she needed me as much as I needed her, but now I know that she actually _wants _me, like if she could choose someone to love, it would still be me. Though this was also extremely dangerous for her.

We sat in the cafeteria with a tray full of food. She nibbled at bits and pieces of the giant lunch.

"I should have let you drive yourself today," this made the tiny crease between her eyes appear, so this had obviously made her worried that maybe I didn't want to drive with her today.

"Why?" She demanded, a twinge of fear in her one word question.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch." She relaxed at this.

"Oh." She was disappointed, as was I. I didn't get as much time with her as I would have hoped. But I would have plenty of time to be with her tomorrow. "That's okay, it's not too far of a walk."

I couldn't believe that she expected me to have her walk home. With her luck she would probably get run over by a car.

"I don't have my key with me. I really don't mind walking." No way was she walking. I shook my head with plenty of disapproval to show that.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition—unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I chuckled at that, I don't think anyone would want to steal _that _car.

"All right," she said puzzled. I would have to have Alice help me find those keys before we left to hunt.

"So where are you going?" she asked trying to hide some kind of emotion. This was so frustrating, not knowing what's in someone's head, especially the person who I'm irrevocably in love with.

"Hunting. If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I was already so full, I'd hunted so much lately, I felt as if I was sloshing with blood inside. I don't know how much more I can take in. "You can always cancel, you know." These words stung my lips as I said them. I knew it would be the smartest thing to do, but I couldn't. It was almost physically impossible to be away from her. I hated it.

She tried to look down, trying not to be 'dazzled' I'm sure. "No, I can't." She really meant it. She couldn't bare to be away from me as I couldn't bare to be away from her.

"Perhaps you're right."

I couldn't talk about anything related about goodbyes anymore. I wanted to think more about how great—or horrific—our day with each other tomorrow. Before I could, she jumped into a happier topic."What time will I see you tomorrow?" I would be seeing her a lot sooner than she would be thinking.

"That depends…it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I know I didn't want her to, but I had to respect her needs as a human. Though the more time she slept, the less time we would have to spend together.

But she saved me from this worry almost immediately after I asked the question. "No," then her cheeks blushed cherry red.

"The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?" Oh how I hoped he would be. It would make it so much easier to be around her tomorrow if her father was in on the plan. If he knew she would be with me.

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." She looked happy about that. I couldn't fathom why she didn't want to tell her father about her friendship with me. It would only make her safer. I guess that's just Bella though, she's opposed to all things that were safe.

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I already knew the answer to that. But she ended up surprising me.

"I have no idea. He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She seemed to be awfully comfortable talking about the possibility of me killing her.

My anger was starting to seep back into my face. I tried to never do this around Bella since it seemed to upset her. But this time there was just too much anger overwhelming me, along with her overly fragrant scent.

"What are you hunting tonight?" I almost cringed at the thought of _more _hunting.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." Not only was it _more _blood, it wasn't even the blood that tasted moderately good. Just the rancid smelling elk and deer.

"Why are you going with Alice?"

"Alice is the most…supportive." If I went hunting with Jasper or Emmett I was sure to hear many thoughts that I plainly did _not _want to know about.

"And they others? What are they?" She was afraid of the answer, as I was disappointed by it.

"Incredulous for the most part." Though I would be incredulous too if my 'brother' or 'son' with a dead heart, and a soul—or whatever we had—that could never seem capable of love again fell in love with a _human_.

She looked at my family. Before this movement they were all staring at us intensely. But—thankfully—they realized that would frighten her, so they looked away so fast that she wouldn't notice.

"They don't like me,"

"That's not it," Rosalie as an exception. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." Though I wish I could, it would be much safer.

"Neither do I, for that matter." I didn't really know either, unfortunately. I just know that if I did leave her alone, it would be a long hard wait for either of us to heal from that wound.

"I told you, you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." She had absolutely no idea of how much I truly cared for her.

"Having the advantages I do, I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise." Everyone's minds are rude, mean, awkward, or boring…though there are few exceptions to those people such as Angela Webber, who has kind thoughts.

"That part is easy to explain," again she tried to not look directly into my eyes. This frustrated me. I didn't mind so much when I dazzled her. Though I did need to start getting control of this 'dazzling' thing. I wouldn't want her to never be able to look me in the eyes. "but there's more…and it's not so easy to put into words—"

Then Bella caught Rosalie's terrifying glare. This obviously frightened her. I would have to have a talk with Rose about this, she has to realize that Bella and I were thrown together in love through no fault of our own.

"I'm sorry about that. She's worried. You see…it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I couldn't find the right words. This might have been because the right words were just too painful to even think about.

"If?" she was starting to get a little impatient, and _very _anxious.

"If this ends…badly." Again she seemed perfectly fine discussing her impending death. So strange, yet I didn't mind this as much as I should have.

I had to get away from her face, her smell, and mostly the pain from the meaning of the words that just passed my lips. I tried dropping my head into my hands as an attempt to quench the pain inside my still heart.

"And you have to leave now?" as upsetting as it was, yes I did have to leave. I needed to be as full of blood as possible for tomorrow. Though I didn't want to say goodbye, not yet, my days with Bella seemed so limited, I didn't want to waste half of a day hunting with Alice, though I knew I had to.

"Yes. It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology—I don't think I could take anymore." Though it wasn't the movie I couldn't endure, and she knew it. She knew that it was really the magnetic pull that seemed to form between us whenever we were in that dark room together. It seemed impossible not to touch her every day in biology. She feels it too, she can't bare it either, and she has to same reaction to it as I do.

Alice then walked over to where we were sitting to take me away from Bella. "Alice." I greeted her almost as if I was blaming her for being the one to say I had to leave. I would have to apologize for that later. She's been the kindest one through all of this after all…though all I see in her mind is the visions of Bella's impending fate. But I pushed that thought from my head.

"Edward," she answered almost as taught as me.

"Alice, Bella—Bella, Alice," I introduced them as an attempt to make this moment any less awkward—it didn't work in the least.

"Hello, Bella." She truly got a thrill out of just saying two words to her. She wanted to start their future-friendship as soon as possible.

I gave her another dark look, another thing I would have to apologize for later. But she keeps jumping to conclusions from her visions that upset me the most.

"Are you ready?" Of course she knew I wasn't, I was never ready to leave Bella, but I needed to be responsible.

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car." I needed to have my last moments with Bella be just us two. I couldn't have Alice there staring and analyzing our every move.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?"

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." I had to grin, the concept of having fun while I was away from the one I couldn't bare the be away from, while doing something that made me feel like I would explode with blood.

"Have fun, then." She tried to act like she actually wanted me to leave and have a good time hunting, though she was a lousy actress.

"I'll try." Though I already knew that I wouldn't have any fun in the least…unless we happened to pass by a mountain lion in the park, that'd be at least a little fun.

"Safe in Forks—what a challenge." Her track record didn't prove that it was an easy task.

"For you it _is _a challenge. Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe. I'll do the laundry tonight—that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in." I said in a teasing tone.

"I'll do my best."

I stood slowly, trying to put off leaving as long as I possibly could.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed at the thought.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" As an immortal, it should seem rather short, though I knew it would be some of the longest hours of my existence. She nodded, her face turning sadder and sadder as my unbeating heart sank lower and lower in synch with her expression.

"I'll be there in the morning," though I'd actually be back tonight to watch her eventful sleeping. That lifted my spirits a miniscule amount.

I turned my eyes up to what I figured could effectively 'dazzle' her. I reached across the cafeteria table to touch her face as lightly as possible. Every time I did this I imagined the soap bubble and trying not to pop it. I swept the back of my cool hand along the length of her beautiful cheekbone and watched her blood rush to her face. Then I turned away quickly to get away from being so close to the scent of her body.

It was even more painful than usual to leave her. I didn't even get the whole school day with her, it was very disappointing, especially while I was looking forward—and worrying—about our day tomorrow.

Alice and I first stopped at Bella's house to pick up her truck. Alice helped with finding the keys. They were in a pocket of some old jeans she had waiting to be laundered.

Before Alice left with Bella's truck, I wrote her a note to leave on the seat of the truck, it saying "Be Safe ". Hopefully this would inspire her to not do anything _too _risky in the next few hours. Alice took Bella's truck back to the school while I drove to the park where we were meeting up again.

I tried sifting through the thoughts of those around Bella during her biology and gym classes as long as I could before I was out of range of their thoughts.

Though it seemed like the only ones paying much attention to her today were Mike and Jessica. I didn't want to have to listen to either of their thoughts, particularly Mike's, it was bad enough listening to Jessica's fantasies about me, but when Mike was fantasizing about Bella, I just couldn't control the urge to rip him apart limb by limb.

But while Bella was in gym, my only choice was to watch Bella from Mike's thoughts. He asked a lot about me, intruding way too much for Bella's comfort zone. Bella got annoyed with him, which amused me. But after just a few sentences of that conversation, I lost his thoughts, I was too far by that time.

I would have to endure the next few hours without knowing if Bella was safe or not, this would truly be the most difficult part. Though the next time we saw each other, I'm sure—or I hope—it will make up for this torture. Then Alice came into view, running—and at one point cart wheeling--toward me to start our hunt, the hunt that could be our last one before we left Forks, all depending on tomorrow

After both getting screamed at for my intentions for the upcoming day (mostly by Rose), and then being encouraged by mostly Alice, Carlisle, and Esme, I was more than ready to see Bella. So I started off in a sprint to her house, taking any kind of short cut I could find to spare time since I was allowing her to drive.

This would be the day that I decide whether this is too difficult and that we have to leave Forks immediately, or if there actually is a way to make this relationship work without killing her. Alice had seen this morning that we would not leave Forks, and that I would be bringing Bella home to meet my family the next day, which relaxed me a little. Though I don't fully trust Alice's visions, so much could go wrong and change that.

Then I tried to pull myself together, and get into full control. This took a few seconds, but when I was in control, I stepped out of the car, and lightly rapped on her door.

It only took about a half of a second before she opened the door with a look of enthusiasm on her face. I studied her outfit and realized it was nearly the exact thing I was wearing. I thought human couples weren't supposed to wear matching clothes until about their sixties.

"Good morning," it was hard to keep a composed face while knowing about our current clothing situation. I accidentally let a chuckle slip through my lips. This confused her expression and put that tiny little crease between her eyes.

"What's wrong?" She looked over herself, realizing it wasn't her that was the problem.

"We match." I let a bit more of an open laugh out. We were both wearing an off white sweater, long enough to cover both of our hips, both of us with white collars showing underneath the bulky sweaters, and some dark blue jeans. She laughed too, but it was a bit more of a hysterical laugh than it was humorous. She must be nervous—as was I—but I didn't show it as much.

We made our way to her truck at a slow pace, even for a human. I waited to let her into the passenger side, hoping she forgot about the little deal we made yesterday. Though she wasn't one to forget something like that.

"We made a deal." I hated the fact of her driving. The possibility of her getting killed over something as feeble as a car accident was mind-boggling.

"Where to?" she asked.

"Put your seat belt on—I'm nervous already." I was far more than nervous, but I didn't want to frighten her too much.

"Where to?" she repeated. I wasn't going to tolerate this 'her driving' thing for long.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I said this a bit too coldly, but I was still upset that the difference between me driving and her driving could be her life.

The ride was pleasant though, Bella wasn't as bad of a driver as her clumsiness would let on. Though I just stared at her face the whole time, so her driving became of second priority after a while. She had annoyance in her eyes, though she was trying to hide the fact that she didn't want to feel this way. She wasn't a very good actress.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" She was driving quite slowly, though my comment seemed to have made her angry.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather—have some respect," she spat back. I wished I could just buy her a new car, a nice fast one, it would frustrate me _that_ muchless. Though a fast car could also lead to her unsafety…

The car was silent for a long time. I wished I could say something, but it just didn't seem right. It seemed like anything I would say right now would just make matters worse. She was already angry, I didn't want to make her more upset with me than necessary. Today would be _such _a huge turning point. This one outing will decide the fate of our relationship. It would help if she wasn't mad at me _before_ the hard part of the day began.

"Turn right on the one-ten," she did as I said, but she was definitely not happy about it.

"Now drive until the pavement ends." This instruction scared her a little bit. She obviously was burning with curiosity of what we were doing now.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" she tried to be cool about it, but it didn't work.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" Now this _really_ scared her! I could tell she wasn't really the hiking type. I considered letting her ride on my back to the meadow, but I think that'd scare her a bit_ too_ much for now. Showing her my skin in the sun would be frightening enough for her.

"Is that a problem?" I already knew it was though. I wish I knew what she was thinking, but of course sometimes, I could read her thoughts without hearing her mind.

"No." She was such a terrible liar it was sad.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." I was definitely not in_ any_ hurry, I wanted to prolong stepping into the sunlight as long as possible.

Her expression turned from fear to panic. I felt terrible making her step outside of her comfort zone…though you'd think that sitting here in a car with a vampire thirsting desperately for her blood would be a bit outside of her comfort zone too…

Ugh, the silence was unbearable! These were the times that I couldn't _stand_ not knowing what was going through her head at this very second. Was she thinking that she didn't like me as much anymore? Could she not want to be with me like I want to be with her? There were so many unanswered questions. Questions it would be much too inappropriate for me to ask her.

The silence was just too much though, I had to ask…"What are you thinking?" This was becoming my new catch-phrase.

"Just wondering where we're going." I'm sure she had absolutely no clue, that's what made it fun. She'd be amazed when she saw my meadow, it's breathtaking, but not even a fraction of how breathtaking she was.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." The rest of my 'family' always wanted me to bring them where I go when the sun breaks through the never-ending clouds covering Forks, but I never had. I had never showed _anyone_ this spot. They were all _very _jealous when Alice saw me and Bella in the meadow together.

"Charlie said it would be warm today." It was going to be warm today, Alice had predicted the same thing.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I already knew the answer to this question too. I knew she would never tell her father what she was doing today. But how I wished she would.

"Nope."

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" This idea made me feel at least a little better, knowing someone—even if this someone wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box—knew we were together today.

"No, I told her you canceled on me—which is true." This shredded my last sliver of motivation of bringing Bella back to her family. No one knew she was with me, if something happened to her, no one would ever know it was me.

"No one knows you're with me?" I spat through my teeth. I already knew the answer, but I was just hoping for another one.

"That depends…I assume you told Alice?" That didn't make matters any better that _my _family knew. If I hurt her, my family and I would just cut and run.

"That's very helpful Bella." I knew I was just making her more and more upset, but this was unacceptable! I needed someone to know she was with me, or who knows if my thirst will start controlling me?

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" This was uncalled for, but it did seem accurate. She never had any self-preservation, she never could see what was dangerous—like me, and what's not—like a badminton raquet.

"You said it might cause trouble for you…us being together publicly,"

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_—if _you_ don't come _home_?"

Then the truck, again, went silent. I muttered a few, rude comments, too low for Bella to hear though. Her face suggested that she did appear that she noticed it—not understanding a word—but noticed it, that's rare. Most humans don't recognize when my family and I talk so low.

After the longest silence, we were at the end of the pavement, the beginning of the trail. I got out of Bella's truck, and slammed the door a bit harder than I should have. I knew I was being dramatic, though I just couldn't seem to stop. Bella just made me crazy. When I was around to her side of the truck I saw that Bella had taken off her long, tan sweater as I had.

I barely looked at her and just muttered "This way." It was hard to be angry with Bella, but I guess I was more so angry with myself then her. What if I couldn't do this? What if I couldn't bring her home? Though I did have a tremendous feeling that there was absolutely no way I could harm her, like it'd be completely impossible. Also Alice _had _seen that nothing would happen to her, so maybe her vision _was _correct. Maybe it was possible that I _could _do this.

"The trail?" this made her nervous. How a tiny hike could compare with spending the day with a vampire was, still, beyond me.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?" She asked shakily.

"I won't let you get lost." You could never lose what you never took your eyes off of. At the moment, Bella couldn't seem to take her eyes off of me either. Her eyes scrolled over my face, my neck, then her eyes lingered at my chest. It was obvious that she was excited about seeing it for the first time, since I wore my shirt open today. Then she automatically snapped out of her stare right as she realized what she was doing. It was so difficult to contain my composed expression that I had to let out a light chuckle.

We started hiking, but we only got a few feet before I couldn't bear not asking, "Do you want to go home?" I couldn't comprehend how much pain it would cause me if she said yes, though it would also be overwhelming relief. I don't think I would be willing to sacrifice our day together, but I did want her to be happy during this day.

"No." She said a bit too quickly, like a knee-jerk reaction. That most definitely answered the question of her thoughts. She couldn't leave me, as I couldn't leave her.

"What's wrong?" I couldn't understand what was upsetting her, I don't think I said anything harmful towards her, at least I hope I didn't. I ran through our conversations once more, though I couldn't come up with anything that hadn't already been resolved.

"I'm not a good hiker. You'll have to be very patient." Ah so that's what it was. I could've guessed that she wouldn't be a good hiker, she was unbelievably uncoordinated.

"I can be patient—if I make a great effort." I tried to smile as warmly as possible, I wanted to make her feel more comfortable. She smiled back, though not a very convincing smile.

"I'll take you home." I said this more for my benefit than hers, to reassure myself that I could do this. I had to stay positive or else I probably will end up hurting Bella, my love, and my life now.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way." This was true, I'd wanted to get to the meadow as soon as possible. I wish I could've just carried her there, it wouldn't be minutes before we got there. But I didn't want to overwhelm her.

So I started leading the way, of course, it was simple remembering the way, so I got to spend this time just staring at Bella's features. Though I had to help her a lot through the forest, she was right, she was a terrible hiker. Though helping her did mean that I had to touch her. Every time I touched her, it was only for a second, but I always wanted more. Her warm, soft skin was so intriguing, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be human for just a minute to hold her in my arms, trace the features of her face, feel the warmth of her body close to mine. That would be the absolute most defined, best minute of my existence. Though I was almost sure it would never happen.

Sometimes when the silence got to be too much, I jumped in with one of my millions of questions I had stored up. At first she answered with as few words as possible, but later she got more into it, and it seemed that she didn't mind the questions as much.

After several hours of fallowing the same pattern of hiking in silence, Bella suddenly became impatient.

"Are we there yet?" she tried to make this question sound teasing, though there was mostly genuine curiosity.

"Nearly," I replied. There was a dramatic change in both of our moods. I wasn't quite sure what had changed them, but I didn't care, it was so much better this way. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

She tried looking into the distance to see a thinning of the thick forest. I could see it perfectly with my heightened, vampire senses.

"Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit soon for _your _eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," this made a smirk appear on her face. It obviously bothered her that all of my senses and reflexes were superior to her own.

After another bit of hiking, she got excited. She must have seen the bright yellow light coming toward us. She grew faster and faster with every step. And then we were at the edge of the forest. She stepped through the last of the overhang of trees and her face was in awe.

She obviously loved the meadow like I did, though I hadn't been brave enough to step out into the sun yet. I knew I had to do this, it was just something I was going to have to face. Though knowing Bella, she would probably not be shaken by the fact that I throw off rainbows into the sun when it touches my skin.

Bella danced a few steps around the meadow, but then realized that I wasn't there with her, which made her face turn frightened, or maybe guilty, I couldn't tell.

The meadow looked even more beautiful then the last time I was here. The flowers had grown in a bit more, the sun was bright, and this time I was with her, the love of my existence, the one that made me feel human, she lit up the meadow with some new kind of light. I couldn't quite tell what effect she had on this already majestic meadow, but whatever it was, I loved it. This new discovery just made me want to get closer and closer to her, though I still hung back under the cover of the forest.

Well I had to do this one way or another; there was no turning back now. I had to take my first steps into sunlight with her. She was obviously impatient with curiosity; she beckoned me to come out into the brightness with her hand. I held up mine in response, almost in warning her. I then decided it was time, so I took a deep breath and slowly took my first step out from under my shelter of shade.

**13. Confessions**

Her face was incredulous, as I expected. Though there was no fear in her eyes, just shock, and some other emotion I wasn't quite able to decipher. Was it…admiration?

My skin in the sun still shocked me sometimes; it was a hard thing to get used to, throwing rainbows of sparkles into the air. Though with Bella in the meadow, close to me, the beams of light were so much more beautiful than I ever could have imagined…or maybe that was just her reflection in the sparkles.

I waited for more of a reaction from her, but nothing ever came, so I just laid down in the grass with my eyes closed as she stared at me. I sang to myself to fill the silence. Though it wasn't so much words that I was singing, just the notes to my new lullaby, Bella's lullaby. It was quite certainly my very best composition yet.

The surprising thing was, Bella actually noticed my lips moving to sing. Humans usually don't recognize it; I would have to be a bit more careful when I spoke to myself from now on.

Bella still sat in the grass with the same incredulous look on her face. I thought, almost dreamt, about the fantasy that I had painted in my head at least a million times. Me, holding Bella so close that you couldn't fit paper between us, feeling the warmth of her blood beneath her skin against my icy, marble figure. That was my greatest fantasy, just to hold Bella, if only for a second, I could die then and count myself the luckiest creature in the world. Though that fantasy could never be, it was still comforting to think about.

Every once and a while, a breeze came through the meadow and Bella's intoxicating scent fogged up my beautiful fantasy, though the fantasy came rushing back eventually.

Then, in the midst of a dream-like thought, I felt a rush of warmth flow through my hand. It was Bella's warm, soft finger stroking the back of my cold, rock-hard hand. It was the best feeling I could ask for, though it always made my want more. I opened my eyes to make sure that this was really happening, and when I did, Bella's eyes met mine.

Her eyes were not frightened, or even very disbelieving anymore, they were—surprisingly enough—adoring and happy.

"I don't scare you?" I was almost sure of the answer, though it seemed impossible that me, sparkling in the sun wouldn't scare her in the least bit.

"No more than usual." I grinned at this. I was so afraid that she would want to run off screaming when she saw me like this, now it seemed so futile for me to think that way.

Bella started getting closer and closer to me, her body heat encircling me. Then gradually, her whole hand was stroking my forearm ever so slightly. I closed my eyes again, but when I did this, Bella's hand tensed as if she was suddenly guilty of something.

"Do you mind?" Ah that was it, she was afraid that I didn't want her touching me, she couldn't have been more wrong.

"No, you can't imagine how that feels." It was the absolute best feeling imaginable.

She traced back and forth over my arm and lingered at the crease in my elbow. Then she reached with her other hand to flip my opposite hand over, though I beat her to it and flipped my hand over for her. She cringed back as I did this, I obviously startled her with my fast movement.

"Sorry," I apologized, opening my eyes. "It's too easy to be myself with you." The truth of this statement was painful. I showed what I truly was around her much too much.

"Tell me what you're thinking," it was torturing me not knowing, especially when she's barely talking, then it was impossible to withstand. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

"It's a hard life." Hearing everyone's thoughts was a big advantage, and sometimes semi-enjoyable, but you have to take the good thoughts with the bad thoughts. I had to hear terrible things. Theories about my family and I, fantasies of Bella in other males minds that I _very _much did not want to see, death, plots, sex, drugs, human minds were usually soiled by the time they were of teenage maturity. "But you didn't tell me." I still desperately wanted to know what she was thinking at this very moment.

"I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking…"

"And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid." I knew it was impossible for her not to be frightened of me at least a little.

"I don't want you to be afraid." I so wished I could say that there was no need for her to be afraid, but that would be a lie. She had a million reasons to be afraid, she _should_ be frightened of me, though I still would rather she not be.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about." Yes the fact that she is human and I am a vampire and it takes all of my self-control not to eat her is a dilemma…though what other fear could she be talking about?

I sat up a bit so that we could be at eye-level. When I did this, I inadvertently got very close to her face; we were just separated by a few inches of open, sparkling air. Her warm, sweet breath blew into my face. I thought that the smell would be too much at that moment, but it wasn't. It was a delightful surprise. I could be this close to Bella and still keep my self-control in tact.

"What are you afraid of, then?" In that millisecond, the magnetic pull was back. The same force that encircled us both twice in biology and once in my Volvo, though this time, it had doubled in power. So many thoughts of getting closer consumed my mind, I couldn't quite think as clearly as normal. I almost couldn't remember the question I had just asked, or what answer I was hoping for. The only thought I had in my brain was pulling her closer and feeling her warm skin.

Then, just like that, the pull was gone. In the place of the electric force between us, hunger consumed my thoughts. Quickly—even for me—I ripped myself from the spot in which I had seemed glued to next to Bella, and I was back in he shadows of the forest within the next second.

I was in shock, I was doing so well, hunger was the last thing on my mind and then all of a sudden it was back to the number one thing to think about. I wasn't thirsty, it was just she got so close so fast, it was impossible to stand in that moment.

"I'm…sorry…Edward," she whispered, almost out of breath. She was in shock too, though she had a guilty twist to her expression, like it was her fault. This came about through nothing but my own decisions. I got too close, and loved that too much.

I took about 10 seconds to bring myself back into control, and then I came back into the meadow, though several feet away from Bella and sat crossed legged on the grass.

"I'm so very sorry. Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I couldn't help but smile, I was thinking of the feeling of being so close, and thirst not being an issue. It was the most astounding sensation.

She was still frightened though, that put an end to my memory of when we were so close.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in—my voice, my face, even my _smell_. As if I need any of that!" I was on my feet in a flash, circled the meadow and flew under the cover of the trees.

"As if you could outrun me," I said in an animalistic voice. I reached up towards the thickest branch I saw within reach on the tree above me and ripped it off and then threw it at another tree. I glided back to the middle of the meadow, two feet from Bella.

"As if you could fight me off." I said with less of an edge, almost gently.

Bella's expression was still scared, but I couldn't tell the reason of why she was frightened. My first thought was the obvious, that she thought I was going to give up and kill her now, but then there was also the possibility that she was scared I was going to leave her because I got too close.

Because I didn't know what she was afraid of, I decided to attempt at letting her know I wasn't going to kill her nor leave her. "Don't' be afraid," I said, as gentle as my voice could possibly be. "I promise…I _swear_ not to hurt you." In the end I was more saying this for my benefit, trying to convince myself that I wouldn't actually hurt her, I think she was already _too _convinced of this.

"Don't be afraid," I repeated. I started getting increasingly closer. The magnetic pull was back and stronger than ever. The thirst was gone again. This was my chance to prove to her and myself that I would never do anything to hurt her ever again.

We both sat, I tried to be as slow as I was capable of as an attempt to show her I was more human than what I had just displayed. Then we were a foot apart, it was much farther than I wish we were, but it would have to do for now.

"Please forgive me. I _can _control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I wouldn't let a slip like that ever happen again.

I waited for her to respond, but nothing came, she was just staring into my eyes. I think I was dazzling her again, unintentionally of course.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I winked to add in humor. It worked, she let out a nervous chuckle.

"Are you all right?" I asked, now intentionally trying to dazzle Bella. I couldn't stand seeing that frightened expression on her face any longer. I—as slowly as possibly—held out and ever-so-gently placed it back on top of hers. The warmth back on my skin was wonderful, I felt, almost incomplete without it, even though I was only with it for such a short amount of time.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked in the gentlest voice I could possibly manage.

"I honestly can't remember." Though I remembered, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Bella was going to give me a window of opportunity to have some sort of insight into what she was thinking.

She really couldn't remember, I had to give her a little nudge. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right."

"Well?" This was taking too long, I needed some sort of clue as to what she was thinking, why she would hesitate at this question.

"How easily frustrated I am," I said exasperated.

"I was afraid…because, for, well obvious reasons, I can't _stay _with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." Though there was no way that she could want to stay with me more than I wanted to stay with her. She was the soul reason for my being now, she seemed to be the only reason I exist anymore. I couldn't fathom why she needed to be with me, she was already a wonderful person without me, she didn't _need _me to be a better person.

"Yes. That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest." Though it was my hopes and the equivalent of dreams for vampires. "I should have left a long time ago. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can." I knew I couldn't, there was no possible way I could leave this beautiful, fragile creature sitting beside me to fend for herself.

I needed to protect her, though I'm starting to believe that's just become my poor excuse to staying with Bella and making more and more of a mess that my family will eventually have to clean up for me. I needed her too. I loved her, so much. She had absolutely know idea how much I liked her, let alone that I loved her, let alone that she is the only reason that I sit here with air in my lungs.

"I don't want you to leave," she mumbled, staring down at my shimmering hand.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" I ripped my hand away from Bella's, I tried to be gentle about it so I wouldn't startle her, but it was hard when I was this angry. I wasn't angry with her at all; it was me who I was angry with. If only she would say that she wanted me to leave and never come back to bother her with my treacherous conditions that I brought towards her ever again. Those words would hurt, they would hurt more than the fire ripping through me when Carlisle made me what I am today, but it could possibly get me to leave. To never bring this danger upon her again. I don't know if I could survive through that, but I know she could, and I wouldn't be a threat to her anymore.

"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I couldn't look at her anymore, it was too painful. The ache of thinking that there was a possibility of having to leave Bella was terrible, and to be thinking of that while having the beautiful eyes of the one I longed for staring at me was just too much.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by the last part anyway," she said. How could she not understand? It was the clearest thing in the world to me, it tortured me.

I tried to brighten the mood a bit with a light analogy. "How do I explain? And without frightening you again…hmmmm." I couldn't think of the right comparison, our lives were too different to compare the style of one to another. Then I realized the warmth was back, my hand was back in hers, I didn't even remember having put it there.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." It was more than just pleasant, it was the best feeling in the world and I couldn't bear to have it leave me again.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?" This was complicated, I hadn't had human food in almost a century, and I was comparing her with food. I didn't know if this would scare her or amuse her.

"Sorry about the food analogy—I couldn't think of another way to explain." She smiled; at least I amused her instead of frightening her by me basically saying that she was food—which I guess technically for my kind she was.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac—and filled the room with its warm aroma—how do you think he would fare then?"

This just sounded wrong the way I was interpreting this. Comparing this beautiful human being with a bottle of brandy, it seemed almost impossible to think about. I tried to see through her face to her thoughts, trying to see how she was reacting to this wretched comparison. Though her face was unreadable—composed.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead." This still sounded so wrong. Now instead of Bella being brandy, she was heroin, and illegal drug. Great. If I had to make this comparison even remotely compatible with truth she would have to be the absolute strongest and best heroin out there.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" She teased. Though she was right, she was my brand of human I guess you could say. Her brand is the one I crave, the one I need.

"Yes, you are _exactly _my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?" she asked.

I looked around, trying to search for a proper way to respond to this question.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I shouldn't have said flavor, that was uncalled for, I was comparing her to food again.

"Sorry," I said. It seemed like I had been saying that a lot lately.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can." That was comforting and frustrating at the same time. I'm glad that I can be freer with my words around her, yet I didn't want to. I don't _want _to frighten her, even if I am "allowed".

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as"—I paused, I didn't want to say 'tastey' again, more comparing her to food was bad. I just couldn't think of the right word…"_appealing _as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other." Much stronger.

"And for you?"

"Never." No one has held this appeal for me in all of the years I had been on Earth. Now that I had found her, I wasn't going to let her go, not now, not ever.

"What did Emmett do?" This question triggered a bad nerve. I didn't want to think about comparing Bella to the woman who had this appeal for Emmett. Things didn't end up so great for her, and if me spending time with Bella would make her end up dead like the woman for Emmett I couldn't live with myself. There was a great silence and I wouldn't be the one to break it.

"I guess I know," she said. Once I thought I could look at Bella's face again without cringing in pain, I did, trying to make my expression look gentle. I wasn't sure if I succeeded or not though.

"Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?" I attempted at brightening the mood, though it didn't work in the least.

"What are you asking? My permission?" Her voice was abruptly sharp. I could tell she regretted her tone right after the words came out of her mouth though. "I mean, is there no hope, then?" If there was no hope I certainly wouldn't be sitting here now. If there was no hope, my family and I would already be settled in a new location going to new schools with new jobs.

"No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" this was difficult, discussing the possibility of killing the most important pigment of my existence. "It's different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as…practiced, as careful, as he is now." Emmett hadn't slipped up in a long time, I had faith that he wouldn't ever again unless he somehow came upon a human that held an even greater attraction than Bella held for me.

"So if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…"

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and—"this was such a painful memory to recall. Back when Bella meant nothing to me but a great inconvenience to my family. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

I looked into the forest for a moment, then back at Bella's beautiful face. She was staring, confused, at me. I still did owe her an explanation of that day when it took all of my strength to not kill Bella in the moment I met her.

"You must have thought I was possessed." I said.

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…" she trailed off suggestively.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin…I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…" Perhaps I was now giving her too much information about her own impending death at this point in time. "You would have come," I said. Almost no matter what I said, if she truly did have the attraction she held for me in any sort of reciprocation she would have come.

"Without a doubt." She knew it too; at least I didn't frighten her too extensively.

"And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there—in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there—so easily dealt with." This very much scared her and put a flash of guilt on her face. I wouldn't mind so much dealing with Ms. Cope. Not that I wanted her dead or anything, though her thoughts were a bit disturbing.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself to _not _wait for you, _not _to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home—I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong—and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving." That was what I thought would be hardest, looking at Carlisle in the eyes and tell him that I had failed. That I couldn't resist her any longer, and that I had to leave.

"I traded cars with him—he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary…

"By the next morning I was in Alaska." I said, remembering the few days I had spent with Tanya and the rest of her family. It was a bittersweet visit. I loved being able to see the one other family like ours, though I had to listen to Tanya's fantasies, while thinking my own thoughts about Bella, about how I'd failed. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances…but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl"—at that moment I realized that I may have offended her by referring to her as 'an insignificant little girl' I smiled apologetically and continued with my story—"to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…" and I haven't regretted it…yet. There was always fear of harming this astounding creature, though the fear wasn't in regret, it was motivation to make myself stronger so that I could be closer to her.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind…her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." It was still extremely irritating. I needed to know how she truly felt about me. I would give anything to hear her thoughts, just for a second. To get some kind of insight into what goes on in that intriguing brain of hers.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions...and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment—because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

More painful memories. I loathed thinking about some of the lowest moments of my life. Now it seemed like the farthest thing off, the possibility of me harming Bella. Now, even though we were so close, the fire in my throat was barely noticeable anymore. It was like I was gradually getting desensitized to her fragrance. It was comforting to know that if this desensitization continued that this might be possible, staying with Bella, being together close, holding her warm body close to mine…then I realized what was going on around me, I had left our conversation hanging.

"I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power—you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched, in synch with each other. "But it had the opposite effect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time…the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." Alice fought for my case the hardest, she so desperately wanted to be a part of Bella's life, and start the friendship that she already knew would happen eventually…if I managed not to kill her. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." I said, shaking my head.

Then I had sudden flashbacks of the day I fought hardest with my family. Our screams would have been audible to the neighbors if we didn't live in such seclusion. Rosalie threw things at me—most of which were dodged, Esme would have cried if she were human. Emmett mostly stayed out of it, trying to calm Rose down. I couldn't think of that day anymore, it was too painful. So I tried to muffle my shudder and get on with conversation.

"All the next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair…it hit me as hard as the very first day." Though today was different. The longer I was with her, the easier it became.

"And for all that, I'd have fared better if I _had _exposed us all at the first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you." I shuttered. I couldn't hurt her, especially when no one else knew that she was spending the day with me. It would be the worst thing imaginable.

"Why?"

"Isabella." I believe that this was just the second time that I had said her full name. The first being when she had questioned my knowledge of her preferred name, Bella. I played with her thick brown hair—which was a bit mangled after our hike—for a distraction.

"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." The only issue that compared to this was when I had gotten the news that I had _become _this horrid blood-thirsty creature. If I ever harmed Bella, I would have to look into ways to get myself killed. If I tried to live with myself if that happened, I would just be guilty and depressed for the rest of eternity. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flush of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." Even if she didn't reciprocate the same feelings, no matter what, Bella would always be my love, and my life.

Though I had obviously made Bella a bit uncomfortable with my affectionate words, it still felt nice to get them out there. I had so much emotion bottled up, I had forgotten how intense the power of love is, and I guess I had never really felt it before, but now that I had, all I could do was crave it more. More than quenching the burning thirst in my throat, more than dying eighty years ago when I should have.

"You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here…which roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." The corners of her mouth turned down. "I'm an idiot." Though on the contraire, she had one of the most brilliant minds ever. She had the power to force off my power, so in no way could she ever be an idiot.

"You _are _an idiot," I laughed at the impossibility that had just escaped my lips. Our eyes met and the magnetic force was back…again. Once more the power was double as strong as before. I had the need to get closer, to touch her more, feel the warmth of her skin.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I said, slowly and adoringly.

"What a stupid lamb," she said.

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I stared at the forest while Bella stared at me. I was trying to get control of the force, but it just wasn't working, no matter how hard I tried. Though after a while, it seemed to dull a bit.

"Why…?" she started. I smiled at her hesitation; she was at a loss for words since we finally had declared ourselves.

"Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran before." Ugh I didn't want to get back onto this subject, the subject of me not being strong enough to resist the perfume of Bella's fragrant blood. It seemed like eons ago that this happened; now it seemed impossible that I could ever have done that.

"You know why." I said, not wanting to explain myself.

"No, I mean, _exactly _what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example seems to be alright" said as she caressed my hand.

I smiled, yes that was alright, it was actually very pleasant, I never wanted the warmth of her gentle touch to ever leave me again. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault." Everything was my fault; it was just that Bella was stuck in the middle of my twisted life.

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well…It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I started getting carried away; I didn't want to frighten her…again.

"Okay, then," she said almost teasingly, tucking her chin. "No throat exposure."

I had to laugh at that one. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." Now I would be on my full guard any and every time I was around her. I would expect her to get close, and expect the beautiful smell of her welcoming throat.

All of a sudden I picked up a scent, something that distracted me from Bella's fragrance, though just for a moment. It was very faint, but definitely there, as it got closer I knew who it was. Then her thoughts came into play. Alice's thoughts. I hadn't noticed them before because I was so focused on Bella. She must have been spying on us. She's the only one who could find the meadow if she wanted to, her visions made tracing people simple.

"_Well Bella's still alive, always a plus, visions of her future keep smacking themselves into my brain, so she _must _still be present. Though I don't mind being hit with these visions of Edward and Bella. Together forever. It melts my heart, it's just like a real-life fairy tale!..."_

I couldn't listen any longer; her visions made me shudder with both hope and doubt. I needed to ignore Alice's thoughts, and her scent. She was still far, and I knew she would never come into the meadow and disturb our time alone. I could deal with Alice when I got home, this time was about Bella and I, that's all. Before another second could pass Bella and I were the only creatures in the universe again, and it was just her and me.

I—very slowly—put my free hand on the side of Bella's neck, ever so gently, to show her how on-guard I was now. The touch was wonderful, her soft skin molding to my hard, cold structure.

"You see. Perfectly fine." And it was…it was better than fine though. I wished I could express how wonderful this truly was, but I didn't want to fully declare myself right now, though I think she might have already known.

Bella's heart beat grew faster and faster at my touch, blood rushed to her cheeks, making her blush brighten to a cherry red.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I said. I didn't know why her blush embarrassed her so much. If I had blood coursing through my veins, I would blush at her touch too. I would probably blush consistently just in her presence. I brushed my hand across her cheek, making the blush intensify.

"Be very still," I whispered. She seemed confused, not aware of what was going on around her.

Slowly, I leaned in close to Bella and gently rested my head against the hollow beneath her throat. Her heart sped up as I did this; it was the most significant sound in the world. Here, with her, so close I could so easily kill her, though the burn was barely noticeable, the spark between us replaced the thirst. I wished that the spark could live forever, though I didn't want to push it too far for it to abruptly cease to exist.

I slid my hands down the contours of her neck feeling her beating veins, blood rushing through her body. Thinking about the soap bubble helped, she was the bubble and I had keep control to not pop her.

She shivered when I did this though, though I wasn't sure if it was my icy touch or if her shaking was out of fear. I kept my hands running over her body, down from her neck to her shoulders, though then I stopped, realizing what control I had, I used this time to study her face. I wanted to memorize this magnificent face so that I could remember it forever.

My nose slid across her collarbone, my nose couldn't hurt her, not as much as my hands could anyway. Though if I hadn't had all these years of practice, I'm sure I could think of a terrible way to harm her with just my nose. I kept moving my face around her throat and collar, then I stopped when I got her chest, and got as close to her heart as I could, and lay my face against it once more.

"Ah." I said, it was—again--a beautiful sound, a thud that would never be heard from my chest ever again. We sat there—still—for quite a long time, thought it didn't seem to be enough, I could have sat there for years just listening to the hum of all the noises in her body. Her heart beat abruptly quickened, I wasn't sure what it was, we hadn't changed position at all, she hadn't looked into my eyes.

I knew I had to let her go sometime and take her back to where she belonged. I freed Bella and leaned back to look at her.

"It won't be so hard again," I said with a sense of accomplishment. I knew that it wouldn't be as bad next time, it would just keep getting easier—I hoped. This made me so happy, this meadow was the test, and so far we were passing with flying colors, though the day was still not yet at a close.

"Was that very hard for you?" She asked, almost with a twinge of guilt.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I sure would hope that just merely spending time with me wasn't torture for her. If this was true then I would leave now to start healing. If I could.

"No, it wasn't bad…for me."

I smiled. "You know what I mean."

"Here." I took her hand and put it softly against the side of my face. "Do you feel how warm it is?" My face was several degrees warmer than its usual icy state, not quite at a human temperature, but getting close.

"Don't move," She whispered. I did as she said, closed my eyes, and turned as still as a statue. Being the rock I am, this was simple. I wasn't quite sure what she would do, I worried a bit that she could go too far, though I didn't think she would do that, it just didn't seem feasible.

She, slowly, caressed my cheek leaving a trail of warmth as her hand moved across my face. She stroked the top of my eyelid, the hollow under my eye. She delicately traced over my nose, then moved her fingers down to my lips, it was the most wonderful touch I could have ever imagined. I parted my lips almost in awe, for this moment was so perfect, so right. Though a few seconds after my lips parted, Bella dropped her hand and leaned away from me. The moment fleeted away as if it were only a memory by now.

I craved more, I longed for her warm touch, I waned every touch to last forever, memorize the contours of her body.

"I wish...I wish you could feel the…complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand." I carefully brushed a few strands of Bella's hair across her face.

"Tell me," she breathed.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger—the thirst—that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though as you aren't addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely.

"But…" I stroked her beautiful, soft lips once more, and she shivered again. It couldn't be the cold making her shiver; though I didn't think it was fear either. I wasn't sure what emotion brought on this shaking. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me." At this point in time, the hunger I was describing now was more potent than any other hunger I had ever experienced.

"I may understand _that _better than you think."

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" she paused to think of the right way to put her next words into formation. "No, never. Never before like this." This was comforting in a way. Knowing that no other being had ever captured her affections, knowing that I was the only one to ever touch her heart.

I held her hands in mine; they were so warm, so fragile.

"I don't know how to be close to you. I don't know if I can." Though now it was almost easy to be this close, I didn't know how it would be tomorrow. Now I was almost desensitized, though in the morning I don't know how it would be. If I was away from her for any period of time, would this simplicity go away?

She leaned in towards me, caution in her eyes. She placed her cheek against my still, cold chest. Bella was mimicking my movements from before.

"This is enough," she sighed, she closed her eyes, she was so motionless, more still than when she slept.

I put my arms around her and pressed my face into her soft, thick hair. It was nice to have her there, in my arms, nice and safe, yet still in so much danger. No human threat could get to her, though I might be more dangerous than any human danger. But no human could love Bella anywhere near as much as I did.

"You're better than you give yourself credit for."

"I have human instincts—they may be buried deep down, but they're there." I was once a human; I still have the same wants as if I were human, though as an immortal they were severely stronger, but hidden, festering beneath…other desires.

We sat as still as we had before for a great amount of time. I couldn't decide which I preferred, my cheek against Bella's chest or visa versa. I loved hearing her heartbeat so clearly, though I also loved her being encircled in my arms. Eventually the light dimmed, our shadows that had eventually formed one grew longer.

"You have to go." Sorrow filled these words, I didn't ever want to move from this spot, but Bella had to get home to her father.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind." As much as I wished I could.

"It's getting clearer." Her expressions sometimes said it all.

"Can I show you something?" I asked. I thought she was ready to come on a run with me now. This would certainly be something new to her.

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how _I _travel in the forest. Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I smiled at this, the pace at which we were going before was ridiculously slow, it took hours, but now we'd be there in a matter of minutes.

"Will you turn into a bat?" She asked with mostly sarcasm, but some genuine curiosity.

I laughed, loudly; I think the volume even frightened her a little bit. "Like I haven't heard _that _one before." When Emmett first learned what he had become, one of the first questions that passed his lips was 'how do we turn into a bat?'

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back." She hesitated, but decided against whatever she was thinking—probably thinking a hike didn't sound so bad now—and climbed on. Her heart rate sped up—as usual—to my touch, this was always amusing to monitor. She clung onto me with such a tight grip around my neck that it would have suffocated a human, but when you don't need air, and you have a stone throat, it's not such a big deal.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she warned, though she felt light as feathers to me.

"Hah!" I let out one loud bellowing laugh, she seemed confused by how happy I was, I guess she was used to our usual serious mood when we're together. I was hoping that would change, that she could be loose around me as well as serious.

I took her delicate hand and placed it against my left cheek, proving to her that I was currently in control.

"Easier all the time," I said.

Then I started off running. I was slower than usual, carrying brought down my speed a few miles per hour. Though now I just focused on speed, I loved the rush of running, it gave me a sense of freedom and I wanted Bella to experience that too…together…with me.

I had time to think while I was running, to think clearly, during this time I decided there was something that I just didn't want to put off any longer, I wanted to kiss Bella. It was a custom expression of affection and I wanted it so badly, I wanted her soft, warm lips against mine. If it were only but a second, I would be _so _happy, as long as I kept in control.

Another thing to take into consideration was the possibility of running into Alice who was still roaming the forest, listening in. I traced her scent to figure out where she was so that I could make a loop around her to ensure that running into her wasn't a possibility

In just shy of 3 minutes, we made it back to Bella's big, red truck. Alice was gone, she ran back to the house when she saw us coming. Bella was still on my back, not climbing off. She seemed as if she were stuck there, molded to my back. This could have been the most afraid I had ever been, I couldn't believe that I might have just harmed this girl just by taking her on a run!

"Bella?" I asked, not able to wait for her to respond on her own.

"I think I need to lie down," she said exasperated.

"Oh, sorry." I still waited for her to climb down herself, but she still didn't move.

"I think I need help," she admitted.

I accidentally let a chuckle escape my mouth, I tried to make it soft so maybe Bella wouldn't hear it, but she did anyway, I could tell. I released myself from her gripping hands and I cradled her in my stone arms. I wished I could carry her around like this forever, safe with me, barely a temptation left in me after spending all this time together, no other threats applied when she was with me, in my protecting arms.

I had to let her go eventually so that she could catch her breath, so I laid her down on some spongy ferns below us.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

She seemed to think about her answer, she still must be in utter shock from that. "Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees." I commanded.

She obeyed quickly, but it didn't seem to work very well, she sat like that for a long while before she lifted her head again.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea."

"No, it was very interesting." Her voice was weak but she attempted at keeping the mood light.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost—no, you're as white as _me_!" And _that _was saying a lot.

"I think I should have closed my eyes." She didn't close her eyes on the run?! I hadn't noticed that, if she had closed her eyes, she would be fine right now.

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" she groaned. If she closed her eyes she would love it like I do, it's so exhilarating

"Show-off," she muttered under her breath, knowing that  
I could still hear her loud and clear. I was a show-off, I had been told that many times, though I didn't have near as much to show off as Bella does, yet she is so modest.

"Open your eyes, Bella," I said softly and quietly. She did as I said and was stunned by how close I was. Though I knew I shouldn't let myself be so close, I couldn't help it, the magnetic force was too strong for me to handle, and I knew I was in control of my thirst.

"I was thinking, while I was running…"

"About not hitting trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella. Running is a second nature to me; it's not something I have to think about." When I run, I just take off, I don't have to think about not hitting trees, I just don't.

"Show-off," she muttered again. I smiled, just at the thought of having the possibility of actually doing this, kissing Bella it was like a dream—or whatever we do—come true, if only I could make it work.

"No," I continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." I put my left hand on her right cheek, the rush of warmth was soothing, such a wonderful feeling, I did the same with my right hand and more heat washed through my cold skin.

She stopped breathing; I started out worried when this happened, not wanting to overwhelm her too much. But I realized it was more in anticipation than anything.

I hesitated before getting any closer, I wanted to make sure that I was in full control and that there was absolutely no way that I could lose that power.

Then, when I was completely prepared, I leaned into Bella's beautiful face, her scent getting stronger and stronger, but the pain in my throat did not increase at all. Then I closed my eyes, mimicking the set of her expression, and pressed my hard lips as softly as possible against hers. It was everything I could have imagined, and more. This sensation was wonderful, partly because I had managed my thirst, and partly because of the magnificent kiss itself, though it wasn't over yet.

Suddenly, Bella's fingers twisted through my hair, trying to keep me closer, I didn't know if I could manage this, and I didn't want to wait and find out, though I wanted to help her in bringing us closer together, I had to control those other foreign hungers to not harm Bella.

To stop this madness, I turned to stone under her, I just shut down. I attempted at pushing her away gently, but I think I was a bit too rough. After a few seconds she opened her eyes in guilt.

"Oops," she said, out of breath.

"That's an understatement." This was a mistake that could _not _happen again. I didn't want to push this too far, I have been pushing it much too far already, I didn't want to go overboard. Though I wanted what she wanted, and I longed for that kiss to last forever, I couldn't let it.

"Should I…?" she asked suggestively, moving away slightly.

I didn't want her to get further away though, I wanted to test myself just a bit further, see if I could manage. So I kept  
Bella firmly in place, in my arms.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." I waited for a while, for the excitement to fade away. Then I was okay. I grinned, it was great, my first kiss was a success, as was the meadow test.

"There," I said, actually proud of myself, I had done it.

"Tolerable?" she asked.

I laughed, the subject wasn't _exactly _humorous, but I just couldn't help being in this jaunty mood when I was around Bella, _and _I had successfully taken a step closer to staying with Bella. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You _are _only human, after all."

"Thanks so much," she said, her voice almost sharp. It wasn't an insult to be human; I would trade anything to be human.

I offered her my hand to help her up, but she faltered as she tried to walk.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I asked teasingly. I already knew that she was pretty much over the run, though she wouldn't admit that it was only the almost-passionate kiss that affected her walking abilities.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though." Well she admitted more than I expected. My kissing expertise couldn't be all that great though, the last person I'd kissed with any romantic intention was the time Emmett had tried to set me up on a date—now _that _was a disaster! That wasn't even so much a kiss as the young woman attacking me with her lips. Oh and then of course there was Tonya, the not-even-a-relationship relationship I'd had for about an hour. I believed she kissed me—_a lot! _That's probably all we did for that hour long relationship, and the whole time I was trying to push her away. Wow she was strong—and insistant!

"Maybe you should let me drive." I said, hoping she would give in. I hated the thought of Bella getting killed by something as simple and as avoidable as a car accident.

"Are you insane?"

"I can drive better than you on your best day. You have much slower reflexes." I didn't want to offend her, so I gave her an apologetic smile, and tried to up the dazzling effect on my eyes. I think I was figuring out this 'dazzling technique by now.

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella." I said staring at her on full dazzle.

She reached into the right pocket of her jeans, pulling out her keys whilst in a dazed trance. I thought she was going to give in, though she shook her head and grinned nervously.

"Nope. Not a chance." I couldn't believe that she wouldn't let me drive, I was a much better driver than her, and she was still disoriented from the run—and the kiss.

I might have let her drive after this, though she stumbled on her way to the truck, no way I was letting her drive now.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I said, barely able to finish the sentence I was laughing so much.

"Drunk?" She asked, flabbergasted that I would even say that.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I couldn't help but grin, it was so true, whenever she was with me she didn't think straight. I couldn't think straight around her either though, so I guess we're even, though I have more space in my mind to think of several different things, so technically I would win this argument, if I did initiate one.

"I can't argue with that," she sighed, so I had won. She dropped the key into my hand, and I caught it as soon as it left her hand. "Take it easy—my truck is a senior citizen." Her truck _was _quite old, though not quite as old as me.

"Very sensible," I said, half-teasingly.

"Are you not affected at all? By my presence?" Clearly I had offended her by comparing her to a drunken person in my presence, while I had said nothing about how much she affected my thoughts and actions.

I hesitated to answer, I didn't want to have to explain, all I wanted was to get closer to her again, to touch her warm skin. So I leaned my face into hers and brushed my lips along her jaw, around her hear to her chin, I did this same course several times before I gave her an answer.

"Regardless, I have better reflexes." End of story.

**14. Mind Over Matter**

I drove Bella and I back to her house easily, though Bella was practically clutching her seat the entire time. She got more comfortable with my driving as we got closer and closer to where she belonged. I wasn't sure if this was because she was getting used to the speed and the fact that she was starting to trust me not to hit anything, or if it was because she was getting back to some familiarity.

I turned on Bella's rusty old radio and attempted to tune it to one of my favorite stations. Eventually I got to a 50's channel that came in with minimal fuzz—less than I thought it would be anyway.

"You like fifties music?" she asked, intrigued.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered as semi-repressed memories of long hair, huge colored glasses, and peace signs flashed in and out of my mind. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" she asked. I wasn't quite sure why she wanted to know this, and I was afraid it might make her uncomfortable, knowing the larger-than-the-average-couple's age gap between us.

"Does it matter much?" I didn't see why it should, I was forever seventeen, and she was currently seventeen…though she would turn eighteen, then nineteen and so on, unless I did go to my father to ask him the favor of making Bella frozen at her current age, to make her exactly like me. I didn't even want to think about that, I couldn't let that happen, even if it was in Alice's visions. No! I couldn't let my good mood be ruined by thoughts of age, biting, and blood.

"No, but I still wonder…There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night." I couldn't argue with that, I wanted her to get a good night's sleep every night so I would be able to watch her sleep, and listen to her unconscious words. It would be much more difficult to keep this hobby to myself if she was conscious while I snuck into her room.

"I wonder if it will upset you." I couldn't be sure if it would satisfy the mystery, or push her over the edge and make her decide that it's just too sanity-compromising to be in love with a vampire.

"Try me," she said, probably expecting a number like 1200 after all that anticipation.

I didn't answer for a while, waiting to see if any flash of brilliance came to me, and told me what the right thing to do would be, though I already knew what that right thing was, and that was to leave Bella. Ugh, more bad thoughts.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I eventually answered, after pushing away the thoughts of fibbing and saying I was something more reasonable, like maybe thirty, keeping out of middle age. I wanted to look at what Bella's reaction would be by seeing her expression, but I couldn't force myself to look at her yet, I had to wait. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." I fought back a shudder, remembering the faint picture of that disease stealing away my mother.

I looked into her deep brown eyes, when I did this I could almost see a faint glimmer of my mother, not in looks, but they both had the same warmth always encrusted into their ever changing expressions.

"I don't remember it well—it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." I was trying to recall anything I could about my last few human hours, it was difficult, compared to the very clear memories after my transformation, and everything else was extremely blurry. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." No, I remembered the transformation all _too _well.

"Your parents?" When she mentioned my parents, it brought back the fuzzy memories of my mother and father's faces, so fragile, as was Bella's.

I'd had a pleasant life as a human, but I didn't cling on to any of my human memories as I clung to the image of my parents, and what light they cast over the darkest hours.

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he…save you?" she asked. This was a bit harder to answer, I thought I had implied that he transformed me, though I never told her how that transformation occurred, and I didn't intend to.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history. For me, it was merely very, very painful." This pain could not compare with any other pain in the world…except for the thought of leaving Bella, though that seemed to far off now, now that I had found my new strength possibilities, it seemed like I wouldn't ever have to leave her…though looks can be deceiving.

I didn't want to say more about any of this, the pain, losing my parents, becoming what I am; it was dreadful to recall these wretched memories when I could be thinking about the amazing ones. The kiss we had just shared, or the fact that I had spent all day with her and nothing happened—well nothing bad anyways. Bella didn't ask anymore questions on the subject for a while, so we just sat in silence.

Silence was fine by me, though I wish I could ask several questions, I somehow no longer felt the pressure of time weighing down on my shoulders. So I took this time to just sit and study her.

I could tell Bella was still curious about when I was transformed, and why, so I decided I could talk about it a _little _more.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating." It still puzzled me how someone could fall to their death off of a cliff and survive as long as she did, though she wouldn't have lasted much longer, she still did survive the blow.

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She never seemed to say the word 'vampire', though I was totally comfortable with this word by now, she obviously didn't know that, or maybe _she_ wasn't quite comfortable with the word yet.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." I said this—still in awe—that he could be a vampire that is _so _humane to be able to transform humans into vampires on four separate occasions—one of whose blood he lusted for most out of any other human's, similar to my lust for Bella's blood. "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak."

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him," though that didn't near turn out as planned, it still upset Rosalie that I didn't want her like everyone else, and that I preferred a _human_ when I could have _her_, the beauty of all beauties. "He was careful with his thoughts around me. But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting—we were in Appalachia at the time—and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she would be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." Having Bella in my arms, covered in her own blood, for more than a hundred miles, I wouldn't have been strong enough to take that trip, it just wouldn't be feasible.

I thought the mood was getting a bit darker than I wanted it to get, so I used my right hand and her left hand that were twisted together, to brush her blushing cheek with the back of my pale hand.

"But she made it," she said, looking on the bright side. This was true; she had made it, though the more amazing thing was that Emmett had made it along with her.

"Yes. She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we enrolled in high school. I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, _again_."

I had sat through countless ceremonies, they were—of course—all beautiful, Alice wouldn't have it any other way. Though it did get tedious after a while, the same vows, read the same way, by the same people, that we already knew would be together forever anyway. Though over the years the weddings did get more and more creative, the venues changed from beautiful churches to beaches, cliff tops, one of their ceremonies was even held at the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro.

"Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another…family, a _very _different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind." Just thinking of what Alice could be seeing right now dampened my internal mood severely.

"Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She _sees _things—things that mighty happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." They change a _lot_, but sometimes they change less than I would like them to, sometimes more, it all depends, in Bella's case, they would change dramatically! I would make sure of that.

All of a sudden I came in range of some very loud thoughts, belonging to the one and only, Mike Newton. These thoughts were all consumed by Bella; they distracted me for maybe a millisecond, before I realized that it didn't matter. I had kissed Bella today, she had kissed me back and wanted more just as I did, Mike was out now, not a threat…though he wasn't much of a threat in the first place anyway.

"What kinds of things does she see?"

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

Usually other vampires aren't any trouble, they come, they go, and that's all there is to it. Most of the time we don't catch a whiff of them, though sometimes it just isn't that simple, they need to know _everything_ about why we live the way we do, and then they try and recruit us back to preying on humans. We've even been called unholy before, by vampires that kill humans for nourishment when they know they have other options. That was one of the worst days I've had since I'd been reborn.

"Are there a lot of…your kind?" she asked, surely wondering if she had ever seen any other vampires in her life time thus far. This was unlikely though, most people never see a vampire in their lives.

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people"—I glanced at Bella to see if she was offended by me calling her 'you people', though it appeared that she wasn't, so I went on—"can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived there together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live…differently tend to band together."

Remembering my last visit with Tanya's clan in Alaska was not my fondest memory, this was directly after my first encounter with Bella and all I wanted to do was kill her. This was when I wanted to distance from the one that I craved so badly, both in blood and in love. Not like I had too much time to dwell on my Bella problems while I was there, Tanya's always had a 'thing' for me, so when I see her thoughts, I see sexual innuendo after sexual innuendo, and she has no problem with voicing them either.

"And the others?"

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times.  
It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?" she asked, though I think she already knew.

By this time we were parked in Bella's brick driveway. The sun was now completely gone, and the moon was entirely covered by the thick clouds that had formed after the sunny day.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents?" I fought back a shudder, remembering the one time I had made the mistake of walking down a sunlit street, I was so angry that I didn't know what I was doing (this was just after my transformation and learned that my kind usually ate humans, I didn't take it so well), the police were called, it was not the best situation. "There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

"So that's where the legends come from?"

"Probably." Though most legends didn't make any sense, such as turning into bats, where on Earth could the masses get _that_ idea? Though this was a correct legend—mostly—though we weren't burned by the sun, we still couldn't go out into it while a human was watching.

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that _is _a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage." I had gone through these same thoughts in my head over and over again, I just couldn't figure out how a vampire could even create another vampire and just walk away, usually just tasting the human's blood was enough to make them go all the way and drink the rest of their blood, I just could _not _understand it. Even if this mystery vampire made it through the blood lust, how could they create a monster and just leave her to fend for herself, no explanation?

Bella's stomach growled in pain as if saying 'Feed me! _Feed_ _me_!' I couldn't believe I had forgotten that Bella hadn't eaten since early this morning, I would have to remember that for next time, she has to eat about three times a day, not once every week or two.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really."

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." Though would she want me to leave while she eats? I didn't want to leave her ever again, I was extremely desensitized by this point, now it was nothing compared to what the pain was before, and to leave and have to start all over wasn't something I thought plausible. Though I didn't know if eating was something she would want privacy for, I wasn't used to human rituals.

"I want to stay with you." Well that solves my problems, I wouldn't have to leave—for now—I could stay desensitized—for now--and more importantly she _wanted _me to stay with her…for now.

"Can I come in?" I asked hopefully.

"Would you like to?" she asked, as if there was a chance that I didn't want to.

"Yes, if it's all right." I didn't want to intrude on her home, though after all we'd been through during the course of the day, I figured it was okay to ask myself in.

I got out of the car at a faster than usual speed for me, and opened her door. When Bella stepped out of the car she looked…nervous? I guess if I were human I would be nervous too, though I was much more composed than her, not letting my emotions seep through into my expressions…most of the time.

"Very human," she complimented on my chivalrous act of opening her door for her, though by the time she said this it seemed like opening her door was ages ago, so much had happened since.

"It's definitely resurfacing." I had actually never felt more human, I might have felt more human than when I was human, though those memories were much too faded to remember how I treated other humans when I was one of them.

I walked with Bella to her front door, and I swiftly snatched the key from under the eave where I had seen her and her father retrieve it many times, and unlocked the door.

"The door was unlocked?" she asked. My movements must have been a bit too quick for her eyes to catch.

"No, I used the key from under the eave." After I said this I thought she would be worried that I was stalking her or something, and I didn't want her to think that…though I guess if you looked at the facts—me spying on her, watching her sleep, having Emmett pull her records from the school office to sneak a peek—I guess I was sort of stalking her.

"I was curious about you."

"You spied on me?" I attempted at reading her face, expecting anger or worry, though her expression didn't show a hint of either emotion, it was more like…satisfaction.

"What else is there to do at night?" Before Bella, I just spent my nights fishing through random thoughts to see if there was anything interesting to listen to, or I read, watched movies if there was anything around that I hadn't seen already. The rest of my family always had something to do at night, Carlisle had Esme, Jasper had Alice, and Emmett had Rosalie, now I had Bella…though I guess the way she entertained me at night was different. Watching Bella dream every night wasn't exactly 'having' her, though it was still something to do, and something to always look forward to.

I sat in one of the mismatched chairs in Bella's quaint kitchen. While I sat she started reheating some lasagna from a tupperware container. The food gave off an unappetizing aroma, though I was still grateful, for it took away almost all of what was left of the burning sensation in my throat, it was replaced with disgust, but I didn't mind.

"How often?" she asked.

"Hmmm?" I was too busy consumed with my own thoughts to even know what she was reffering to.

"How often did you come here?" Oh, so we were back on this topic, I wasn't sure if it was the best thing to tell the truth here, though I would anyway.

"I come here almost every night." I said, reflecting over the first few nights here, where it was _so _difficult being surrounded by the scent of her room, the clothes scattered everywhere that had touched her skin, and then of course her, lying warm in her bed, dreaming of me.

"Why?" she asked, incredulous. She didn't understand how truly intriguing she was.

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk." _This _seemed to upset her, though I couldn't fathom why.

"No!" she gasped. I had no idea why this was so terrible _now_, did it bother her that I was really _that _obsessed with everything she did? It couldn't be that though, because earlier she seemed flattered by this fact.

"Are you very angry with me?" I was embarrassed that I had really come here every night to watch her sleep, now it didn't seem like such a great idea, though I couldn't just stay away _all night_.

"That depends!" She sounded like she had just been punched several times in the stomach.

"On?"

"What you heard!" she squealed.

Oh, so she doesn't mind that I stalk her, she's not upset that I'm literally obsessed with her, she's just embarrassed that she may have said something revealing. _That _makes sense. She must have been aware that she sometimes wore her heart on her sleeve while she was unconscious.

"Don't be upset!" I met her eyes to attempt to clam her down by dazzling her; she tried to look away, not wanting to be swayed, though she was miserably unsuccessful.

"You miss your mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's been less often now. Once you said 'It's too _green_.'" I laughed, hoping to brighten the mood of the subject.

"Anything else?" she demanded.

I knew that she wanted to know if she had said anything about me. "You did say my name."

"A lot?" she asked, exasperated.

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?" Immediately after I said these words, embarrassment burned in Bella's eyes, and cheeks. Though she had no reason to be ashamed.

"Oh no!" she wailed. I pulled her close against my chest, to let her know that it was alright.

"Don't be self-conscious. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." In some ways I did dream though, but it was more fantasizing than dreaming, you must be asleep to dream.

Then Chief Swan's tires squealed onto Bella's brick driveway. In all of my swirling thoughts, I had completely forgotten that Bella's father even existed. In some ways I was glad he was home, to see Bella was okay, to let relief wash over me that someone else was with us so I would be a bit more on-guard.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"I'm not sure…" she said. She couldn't get to a conclusion quick enough, so I had to make the decision for her, so I left. Fast.

"Another time then…"

I sprinted up the short staircase, and into Bella's room. I had been in this room every night for so long, it felt like instinct to be here. I was surrounded by her scent, though it didn't bother me much at all. Without Bella there though, I could think much more clearly, think about the danger of what I was doing.

The thing that absolutely shocked me as I was thinking about these dangers was that I didn't care. I just didn't care that it was treacherous spending so much time with Bella, being so close to her, never leaving her side, because I knew I just couldn't hurt her, at least not tonight anyway, after spending the whole day with her, the pain came to be just a faint irritation.

I could hear everything going on down on the first level of Bella's house.

"Edward!" Bella had said, I must have left so quickly that she couldn't see. I let a chuckle pass since Charlie was not yet in the house.

Then Charlie walked through the door adding another new scent to the house, easily resistible though, just like any other human. But unlike all the other humans, Charlie's thoughts were still just those half-thoughts that seemed to be the only thing I could pick up from his mind. That must be where Bella's ability to repel my power came from. I would be very interested to listen to her mother's mind, to see if she had any sort of power to fend off my extra sense.

Charlie's mind frustrated me too much to listen to it, so I just tried to tune it out and focus on their conversation.

"Bella?" he asked, as if someone else would be there.

"In here." She called. Her voice had a hint of hysteria in it, I couldn't understand why though, I wasn't there, it's not like Charlie and I were meeting, then I would be able to understand the frenzied edge to her voice.

"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." He must have been referring to the lasagna that Bella was planning to eat.

Bella placed another square of lasagna in her microwave, and pressed the buttons for 1, 0, 0, and then what I assumed what the start button by the sound of it. When the microwave indicated the food was ready by a high-pitched beeping, Bella removed the plate of lasagna, and placed it in front of Charlie.

"Thanks," he said as she did this.

"How was your day?" she asked while she was chewing like mad.

"Good. The fish were biting…how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?" He asked.

"Not really—it was too nice out to stay indoors." He said as I stood from the rocking chair in the corner of Bella's room. I decided that a quick look around where she lived wouldn't hurt, plus Bella and Chief Swan's conversation wasn't overly-fascinating. I wasn't used to being in her room with the light on and her not there. I started with her room; she didn't have many books, though she had said that one of her largest pleasures was reading. She had mostly old classics, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights (a book I had detested), a compilation of Jane Austin books, and a few others.

Other than the books, there was nothing particularly remarkable about her room, just a bed with a faded quilt, a desk with a prehistoric looking computer, a small cactus, and a picture of what looked like a forty-year-old, blonde, and tan Bella in a purple picture frame. A rocking chair stood in the corner of the room, and there was a closet which I didn't open; I didn't want to invade her privacy _too _much.

Then I left her room and went down the hall. I saw a small bathroom that I didn't bother going in, then another bedroom, that I assumed was Chief Swan's room, and then a linen closet filled with old quilts and a few towels.

Then I heard Bella's father mention that wretched human, Mike Newton.

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton…you said he was friendly." Him implicating that Bella could _ever _be more then friends with that weasel was enough to make me want to hunt down Mike and never let him have that chance _ever _again. Though Bella denied his thoughts and put the discussion to a close.

Once I heard Bella coming back up her steps, I ran back to her room and out her window, so she wouldn't think I went snooping around her house. She opened her window to look for me, though she would never see me with human eyesight and this level of darkness.

"Edward?" she called. She'd sounded almost worried that I wouldn't come back.

I scaled her house again, up through her bedroom window, and crept onto her small double bed.

I chuckled as she franticly looked around her room for me, though she didn't turn around to see me until I whispered, "Yes?"

She quickly whirled around to see if it was really me there in her room.

"Oh!" she almost yelled, I was worried that Chief Swan might hear her, though after a few second of no change in her father's behavior I figured we were safe, so I didn't give it another thought.

"I'm sorry." I said, holding back a chuckle at her shock.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart." Though it was still beating, it hadn't stopped, it had just skipped a couple of beats, then sped right back up again to an almost unhealthy rate, the rate at which it always was when I was close.

I sat up on her bed slowly. Then I extended my arms out as a gesture to suggest for her to come into my arms. She embraced me as well as I lifted her onto the bed with me.

"Why don't you sit with me?" I suggested as I lifted my left hand and put it on her right. Just the touch of her hand gave me such comfort that it was inspiring me to be a better person, to be stronger to stay with her. "How's the heart?" I asked, though I could hear it clearly already.

"You tell me—I'm sure you hear it better than I do." I laughed, this was quite true, I could hear every quick chug of blood flowing through her chest, it was a beautiful sound, the sound that always let me know that she was still alive.

We sat there on the bed, just staring into each other's eyes for a few moments before her heartbeat slowed down to an almost regular pace as she got used to my presence in her room.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" She asked.

"Certainly." I gestured with my hand out the door, though her question confused me. I wasn't quite sure what a 'human moment' entailed.

"Stay," she commanded, sounding as if she were talking to a pet.

"Yes ma'am." I became still as stone right as she said this, showing off exactly how well I could follow her orders.

I figured out what she meant by a 'human moment' right as she grabbed a bag of a toothbrush, toothpaste, a hairbrush, and other toiletries. I forgot that humans needed to clean themselves up before sleeping; it was a ritual for them.

I stayed still in her room, not feeling the need to explore anymore, I'd have time for that later, for now I just wanted to fallow Bella's commands. I went thought hunting—as Emmett sometimes called it—while she was gone. I filtered through Charlie's almost-thoughts to get to the thoughts of anyone I could find mentioning Bella's name, this wasn't a difficult task, she seemed to still be the talk of the town.

The first mention of her name I heard came from a man, later I found out the voice belonged to Mr. Banner, our biology teacher. _"The only brilliance that comes from my sad excuse for a biology class comes from the freaky Cullen kid. Though now I have high hopes for the new girl, Isabella, she has quite the potential."_

When I started fishing for some more interesting thoughts of Bella, I heard her reopen the door to her bathroom, though she didn't come back to her room, she crept into the hall and down the stairs to Charlie. I should've remembered this; another nightly ritual for humans was saying goodnight before they went to sleep.

"Night, Dad." She said, not sounding overly sincere.

"Night, Bella." He replied, sounding surprised. His half thoughts gave me the impression that he was surprised to see that she was dressed in her pajamas, freshly out of the shower, though it was very hard to listen to and it took a load of concentration.

I heard Bella rush back up to her room, her footsteps came closer and closer until I saw her at the entrance to this room. She quickly shut the door with a little too much force.

I took in her appearance, I couldn't see it very well through Chief Swan's thoughts, and those fuzzy pictures did not do her justice. She had almost dripping hair, a shirt full of holes, and sweatpants. It was different from her normal attire, but it worked, she was still beautiful no matter what she wore. Though I wished she wouldn't wear a shirt with holes, I thought she would get cold with the size of those holes, especially if she were going to be near me.

"Nice." I said, remarking on her appearance.

She gave me a sour look for the sarcasm that I had added to the word 'nice'. "No, it looks good on you." I said, trying to recover from the semi-nasty previous remark.

"Thanks," she whispered. She came back to join me on her bed, though she wouldn't look at me, she just looked at the floor, studying it somehow.

"What was all that for?" I asked.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out." She replied. So that was why he was so shocked to see her ready for bed. Though I didn't know why he would think this, Bella didn't seem like the person who would ever do anything like sneaking out of her house to meet a boy. Though it occurs to me that she does have a boy (kind of), that she snuck into her room at this moment.

"Oh. Why?"

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited." She said. I couldn't argue with that, she did look a bit jumpy in the blurry pictures inside Chief Swan's brain.

I put my right hand under Bella's narrow chin and tilted it up, just slightly. "You look very warm, actually." And she was warm, the heat from her shower was still radiating off of her skin. The shower gave her a differently tinted smell, less floral, more fruity than usual, she smelled even better with her hair damp like this, though not in a way that made me want to eat her more than I already did, but in a nice way, it was pleasant.

I bent my face towards hers, putting my cheek against hers. I could tell she was trying to hold back something, though I couldn't quite tell what it was.

"Mmmmmm…," I hummed as the heat flowed through my cheek. I slowly moved my cheek away from hers and moved my face to her other side.

"It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me." She said. And this was true, it had been _immensely _easier to be around her than ever before, though not easy enough, there was still pain in my throat—no matter how well I could ignore the burning, it still could always come back at any time—as evidence by what happened in the meadow today…I had to run away it got so bad so abruptly.

"Does it seem that way to you?" I asked, though I didn't even remember the words slipping through my lips, all I could think about was what my next move would be, and what reaction that would bring on in Bella's expression. I slid my nose around her jaw area, trying to be careful. She seemed to actually_ like_ the fact that a vampire--thirsty for her blood--was holding her.

I swept Bella's thick hair away from the side of her long neck, just enough to be able to fit my lips underneath her ear at another hollow spot.

"Much, much easier," she said, responding to a question I couldn't recall asking.

"Hmm."

"So I was wondering…" She began, hesitating…as if she were ashamed of what she was about to ask. I traced the side of her neck, down to her collarbone and lingered there for a moment. I was trying to memorize this moment, memorize her face, her body, the way she unevenly inhaled and exhaled…how her body vibrated when she spoke. It was all fascinating to me, though I knew the probability of all of this lasting for any measurable length of time was slim to none. That's why I needed to hold on to this time before it was gone.

While I was justifying my reasons for touching Bella so much, I hadn't realized that she hadn't finished her last thought, she had wanted to ask me something.

"Yes?" I whispered, reminding her of her previous intentions.

"Why is that, do you think?" she asked nervously…obviously scared of what the answer might be.

Since I didn't quite know the answer to that question myself, I just simply said "Mind over matter." Then I laughed a bit too loud right against Bella's ear.

She pulled away quickly after I laughed, at first I thought it was the volume of my laughter, but I didn't think something like that would bother Bella.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No—the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she said, almost incredulously.

I thought about this for a moment, wondering what my reaction should be to this. My initial thought was that this would be a bad thing—driving her crazy…though driving her crazy could be good…if it was controlled. "Really?" I asked, deciding that the emotion really should be positive.

"Would you like a round of applause?" She asked, her words dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," I said, recovering. "In the last hundred years or so," she chuckled at that, it's sad to think that I wasn't embellishing when I said 'hundred years or so'. "I never imagined anything like this." I would _never _think that this could happen to me, let alone that it was even possible—for my type to be so close with hers and still be in control. Though even more amazing, I actually _wanted _to be with this human, more than I've wanted anything in my life…right now, I didn't wish I was under a headstone, if I had never become what I am today I would never have met this girl. This amazing girl that would now and forever hold my heart. "I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…at being with you…"

"You're good at everything," she said, with a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…" Reminding myself of what I disgracefully did this afternoon was the one thing I did _not_ want to happen. This afternoon was a mistake that would never happen again, I would _not _let the uncertainty strike my thoughts again to make me doubt if this was all possible like I had in the meadow.

"It's not _easy_," I started, thinking about how difficult it actually was. Though I was getting used to the level of complicatedness of this relationship, resisting Bella's blood was still one of the hardest things I had ever done in my decades of experience. "But this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I am sorry about that; it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," she countered.

"Thank you." Just the fact that she forgave me for doing something so despicable comforted me more than it should have. That one terrible move had tortured a part of my mind all day. "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" Almost unconsciously, I lifted her hand and placed it just above my jaw. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome, I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was _strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I ever could…"

"So there's no possibility now?" she asked nervously. Quite abruptly, her face turned completely serious, obviously scared of the answer.

I didn't want to worry her further, or fill the mood with more tension than necessary, so I just simply slurred the words "Mind over matter."

"Wow, that was easy," Bella said, almost shocked that I didn't give her a lengthy lecture about how hard and impossible this was.

Her expression was just so hilarious I had to let out a little laughter, though I did so in a hushed tone.

"Easy for _you_!" I protested, partially mocking her, while my finger plucked at her nose with humor filling the mood.

Then a thought entered my mind, maybe I was letting her think that this was _too _easy for me, and that we didn't have to be as careful as before. I still had to warn her that things haven't changed as much as she might think; I still needed to use every fiber of my being to resist temptation to giving into the blood lust, and the other curious lusts that continued to be foreign to me.

"I'm trying," I said in a serious voice. "If it gets to be…too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." Though my words sounded certain, they were most definitely a lie. I wasn't sure in the least that I would be able to leave, that would be _the _hardest thing I would ever have to do, harder than resisting the blood, harder than getting past Tanya's tight grip, harder than sitting through pain of being changed into what I am today. Leaving was the one task that I was fairly sure I wouldn't be able to do…though, if me staying with Bella was dangerous—if I started harming Bella, that might be able to push me to leave.

She got upset when she thought about what I said for a while.

"And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think." I couldn't imagine having to start almost the _whole _desensitizing process again tomorrow.

"Don't go away, then," she replied, in almost a begging manor. I was hoping that she would say this, but I didn't really expect it, though I guess Bella never did what I expected.

"That suits me," I replied. "Bring on the shackles—I'm your prisoner." I ended up grabbing _her_ hands and forming handcuffs made of my hands around hers.

"You seem more…optimistic than usual," she pointed out. "I haven't seen you like this before." Just the fact that someone was actually calling me, _Edward Cullen_ optimistic was enough to make my still heart skip a non-existent beat. That's how much Bella had changed me in just the course of a few months; she made me a better person…as long as this new found optimism was a good thing.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love," she blushed at the word love. Maybe I had been overstating things in her eyes, though I had been in love with her before she could even tolerate me."It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" The experience was almost too wonderful, yet terrible at the same time, though those were not near equal, and today decided which was stronger, and now it was wonderful. Living the human experience as an immortal was _so _thrilling, and the fact that I was doing it all with the woman I love that's just about the best thing I could wish for…maybe with a few adjustments.

"Very different. More forceful than I'd imagined." That was quite a bit of an understatement! I had never imagined that love could really dominate your mind, your body, your every thought that passes through your brain…I never thought that I would ever feel this way for anyone or anything, in a way other than the way I love my adopted family.

"For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I hesitated, thinking about that absolutely vile boy, Mike Newton…how I could so _easily _slit his throat, it would be much less frustrating…though I've already gone through so much restraint with Bella, so I should be able to handle a little more restraint over Mike. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

She nodded. "The day you started talking to me again." She corrected. That was the day that I knew I had to do something to catch Bella's attention, or I might actually lose her to someone like Mike Newton…or someone even more vulgar. I shuddered at that thought.

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt—I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I _tried _not to care.

"And then the line started forming," I teased, though instead of laughing, Bella scowled.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was _right_, moral, ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name." I paused, remembering the absolute reassurance and pleasure of hearing her mutter _my _name in her sleep. It still boggled my mind that even sub-consciously she wasn't repulsed by me, and the fact that it was just the opposite was unbelievably amazing to me. "You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." I stopped to search for words, but in the silence I heard how impossibly fast Bella's heart fluttered about. This could _not _be good for her health.

"But jealousy…it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than  
I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I couldn't even finish that sentence, I hated that boy _so _much, the jealousy consumed my body again. So I took a few seconds to rid myself of this terrible emotion.

"I should have known you'd be listening," she said as if she weren't expecting it.

"Of course."

"_That _made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh." This new human-like life I had been leading was so irrational, and powerful, my emotions ran wild; along with my sense of judgment…I loved it.

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear about Rosalie—Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, _Rosalie_—was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" Her interpretation of that story couldn't have been more wrong. Just because Rosalie was technically _meant _for me by Carlisle, she wasn't the one _destined _for me, that person was the person sitting next to me on that very bed.

"There's no competition." I took her hands and wrapped them around my shoulders and placed them on my back, and pulled her closer, so I was right up against her chest. Bella lightly shivered, so I started worrying about it if I was making her much too cold, but she didn't say anything, and I didn't want to move any further away, I just wanted to get closer to fill the narrow gap between us.

"I _know_ there's no competition. That's the problem." She was making _no _sense! Rosalie was not who I was in love with, it was, always had been, and always would be Ms. Isabella Swan.

"Of course Rosalie _is _beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even in Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet"

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered. I wasn't quite sure what she would be referring to, yes it was unfair that I had gotten a chance to be with her, but she would never think that of herself, she was too modest. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

I pondered that for a moment, yes it took me longer to find who I was meant to be with, but I was already taking out such a burden on her by being what I am, that more than made up for the time I spent alone.

"You're right," I said in a teasing voice. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." I displaced one of my hands from hers, and dropped her wrist out of my hand, though before it could get too far, I took her wrist into my other hand, and used the other to stroke her damp, thick hair. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?" I finished sarcastically.

"Very little—I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet." She didn't feel deprived of anything now, but what about if this becomes too much and we can't see each other ever again, or even if we did find some way to work things out, getting married would be a stretch to accomplish, and if she wanted to have children, well it wouldn't be physically possible. I knew I was thinking much too far into the future, and most of that is no where near realistic, but imagining that it was still helped the wrenching pain that deep down I knew it wasn't possible.

She tried to pull away from my grip, but I didn't let her move an inch.

"What—"she started, but then I heard the creaking of the wood of Bella's stairs, it was Charlie. I was doing all to good of a job blocking out his thoughts. Panicked, I leaped off of Bella's bed, and jumped through the window, and down the side of her house.

This confused Bella, so I had to give her instructions of what to do. "Lie down!" I said hastily.

Once Bella was flat on her bed, and tried to act as if she were asleep, I climbed back up to my normal spot outside her window, before I would watch her sleep from inside her room. On the way to his own bedroom Charlie cracked the door open just to make sure that Bella was still there. Though her impression of a sleeping person was quite poor, Charlie silently closed the door, and began continuing on his way to bed.

I tried tuning out Charlie's half thoughts again, but some just seeped through, they were quite loud, and he was very close. "_I…believe…..Mike Newton…..sneaking out….Bella…unhappy here?" _Though I only got bits and pieces of what he was thinking, I could make out enough…he really did think that she was going to sneak out with the terrible child Mike Newton. Though the last part I wondered about, I thought Bella was happy now, though Charlie might think this just because Bella opted to not go to the main school social events.

Once Charlie closed the door to his room, I climbed back through the window, and slid under the thick quilt atop Bella's bed. I put my arm around her, and got my lips as close to her ear as I could with out them touching.

"You are a terrible actress—I'd say that career path is out for you." I whispered so softly that a human would have to strain to hear it, even if that human was millimeters away.

"Darn it," she muttered sarcastically.

Then I realized, it was almost 1 A.M., and humans need to sleep about 8 or 9 hours a night, so in an attempt to get her sleepy, I started humming the lullaby, the one that she inspired.  
"Should I sing you to sleep?" I asked.

"Right," she snorted. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I countered.

""But I didn't _know _you were here," she said coldly, probably still a bit upset that I had heard her constant sleep-talking.

"So if you don't want to sleep...," I said suggestively.

"If I don't want to sleep…?" she asked, confused.

"What do you want to do then?"

She took a moment to think about this.

"I'm not sure," she responded slowly.

"Tell me when you decide." I said curious to what she would chose to do.

In the mean time, I took this time to continue trying to memorize Bella as much as I could. I draped Bella's hair over her shoulder to reveal her neck, so I could lean in and glide my nose over it from the bottom of it up to the edge of her jaw. I planned each movement carefully so the possibility if hurting her was eliminated, and yet she still felt an impact from each motion. These littlie things made me feel so at ease, and I was hoping that they did some sort of the same to her.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia." I pointed out. "It's mouthwatering." My choice of words there was poor, though I realized after I spoke that they could offend her in some way.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody _telling me how edible I smell." She said, teasing of course.

"I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you." I couldn't imagine my life as "interesting" in any way. Yes I was a supernatural creature, but I spent the majority of my afterlife walking this Earth as what now seems like an empty corpse, just waiting to meet Bella so she could bring me back to life.

"Ask me anything." I said in agreement.

She paused, probably deciding on what to ask. The first thing she spat out was "Why do you do it?" At first I didn't understand what she was referring to, why do I do what? "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you…_are_. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." She elaborated.

I took a moment to ponder over how I would answer this without frightening her. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others—the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot—they, too, wonder how we live. But you see, just because we've been…dealt a certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above—to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She didn't respond right away to this long answer, in fact, she didn't seem to move at all. As the moments ticked by, I had to ask, "Did you fall asleep?" I asked hopefully.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

She rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?" I asked. There wasn't much about me that she really could ask about…

"Why can you read minds—why only you? And Alice, seeing the future…why does that happen?" This question frustrated me. I had searched for the answer to this question for almost 6 years coming up with no proof of any reason for this phenomenon.

"We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified—like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was." Though the answer to that question was also a puzzle.

"What did he bring into his next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her…" I tried to come up with a nice word to describe Rosalie's most dominate trait…though I came up with nothing. "tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness. Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him—calm down a room of angry people for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift." Though it did come to be quite useful at times, Emmett and Rosalie were both easily angered, Alice could get too…excited about some things, and I had a bit of a temper on myself as well.

She paused before her next question, as if to soak in my past words. "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight—I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." This made me chuckle. As she continued to talk, I continued taking advantage of my alone time with Bella. I brushed my fingers along her temple up towards her ear. Then as the desire to kiss Bella grew larger and larger once more, I decided to play it safe, and substitute her lips with her hair.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked as my face was still buried in her hair. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two." I couldn't imagine her coming up with _that_ many questions about my tedious life…tedious up until now.

"We have tomorrow," I reminded her. "And the next day, and the next…" This made both of us smile simultaneously.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all." Though I could see where she would think I would disappear like I had previously, I couldn't even think about leaving now.

"I won't leave you." I said with a serious voice, yet I still kept it light.

"One more, then, tonight…" She opened her mouth again to speak, though instead of talking, she quickly shut her mouth, and blushed crimson red.

"What is it?" I asked inquisitively.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind." She couldn't mention something, and then just have me 'forget it'; it would drive me mad until she told me what was apparently too embarrassing to ask.

"Bella, you can ask me anything." I reminded her.

She groaned at this.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse_."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I asked, actually attempting to make my voice as smooth and seductive as possible.

She shook her head. That's the first time that she denied me like this. What could have been this terrible or embarrassing?

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is." I said…a bit too darkly; I thought I had frightened her, so I turned back to my smooth voice. "Please?"

"Well," She began again.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon...Is that…marriage…the same as it is for humans?"

I roared out in laughter. I couldn't believe that she was embarrassed to ask me _that_!

"Is _that _what you were getting at?" I asked. Though I thought I might have offended her a bit, so I decided to just answer her question.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires." Though at that moment, my human desires—the completely reckless ones—were much more potent than the desire for blood.

"Oh." She said simply.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I asked lightly, though I was worried about the answer to this.

"Well, I did wonder…about you and me…someday…"

I was afraid of that exact answer. I wasn't sure how to respond to this, I mean, she was human; I was a vampire for God's sake.

"I don't' think that…that…would be possible for us." I said. Though it was disappointing, it was—most likely—the truth. As much as I wished I could change it—this was how it was. Though Alice's visions just keep getting more and more vivid, our wedding, Bella a blushing bride, us getting married in our current Forks house, it was beautiful, and fun to fantasize about, but still impossible.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?" She asked, almost hopeful that that would be the _only _reason of why we couldn't have a marriage.

I loved Bella, with every fiber of my being, and though marrying her would make me the happiest possible creature _ever_, it would be just too…complicated, and irresponsible.

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident. If I was to hasty…if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly _breakable_ you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

I waited to see what kind of reaction she would give me, though nothing came for several minutes. "Are you scared?" I asked after I thought she had let that sink in enough.

She hesitated before answering, which made me apprehensive of the response. Though after a few minutes—to my relief she said "No. I'm fine."

"I'm curious though" I said, brightening the tone of my voice. "Have _you _ever…?" I trailed off suggestively. This had been a question on my mind since the beginning of the day, I was of course nervous to ask, but after I asked it I was very much scared of the answer. Bella didn't seem like the kind of girl to sleep around, especially at her young age, but you never know, humans have needs.

"Of course not." She answered right away, blushing intensely. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." She said as relief washed over me.

"I know it's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company." I said, putting it nicely. Though I was glad that Bella hadn't ever gone to the extremes with anyone else. Then I had to remind myself that it would be absolutely impossible for her and me to…take our relationship to that plateau, but it was just nice to know that we were both as inexperienced in that field as the other.

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all."

"That's nice. We have one thing in common, at least." I said, very excited that we had the same status with at least _one _thing.

"Your human instincts…," she trailed off. Then she took the conversation in a different direction. "Well, do you find me attractive, in _that _way, at all?" I couldn't believe that she was even questioning my attraction for her. I thought that I had already made it so clear that this attraction she held went much further than just her blood. Though maybe I had only made that clear to myself.

I pushed her hair away from her face and let my hand linger at her jaw.

"I may not be human, but I am a man," I reminded her.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I insisted. Though I didn't want to lose her company, I was looking forward to what she would say tonight in her sleep.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No!" She almost yelled.

She blushed bright red again. Once I began the opening measures of her lullaby, the blush faded, she closed her eyes, and all of her muscles relaxed. Then before I could get through the song once, she was asleep, in my arms. This was how things should have been, and would be…forever. I softly kissed her forehead, and whispered the words "I love you" in her ear.

***

At first Bella slept soundly, as I was preparing myself to quickly slip away to get home for a change of clothes, and to update my family, she began to speak. She started out with just a few unintelligible mumbles, and then the mumbling formed into words. She whispered "Edward, don't ever leave me, _ever_!" then she tossed to her right, burying her face more into my stone shoulder. She was silent again for another few moments, and then she mumbled "Edward, I love you, I always will. Always, I love you Edwa…" then she trailed off, slipping back into a deeper sleep.

I waited another while, making sure that she wouldn't be saying anything more that I would not want to miss. She said the same thing over and over again before she said something different, which frightened me. She said, with more force "Do it Edward, bite me. Let me be like you, so we can be together forever. Bite me! You have the strength. You do. You _do_!" And that seemed to be the end of her sleep-talking for the night.

I knew that there was a possibility that she might become like me someday, just from Alice's visions…but then I thought that I could just never let that happen…but if Bella actually wants it too…that could change things. Though I would still do everything in my power to protect Bella from this eternal damnation that I had been forced into.

The one thing that puzzled me though, was that I had never told Bella of how a human would be changed into a vampire…how could she have known? Had she read it when she was doing research on us? Had one of the Quilettes told her? Maybe she just figured it out on her own, she was great at inferring things about us, maybe she just guessed.

Then I was certain that this was my chance to slip out Bella's window, it would probably do me good to get some fresh air, away from her beautiful scent. So I carefully unlocked Bella from my grip, and replaced my shoulder with a pillow for her to rest her head upon.

I took one last glance at Bella before I jumped out of her window, and started on my way back to my family.

It was refreshing to be away from the enticing scent of Bella's blood, but I was worried that being away from her would make me less desensitized than I had become throughout the day…so I brought with me one of Bella's shirts that was lying on her floor…I hoped she wouldn't mind. I kept it right under my nose, this way I stayed desensitized, without any threat on Bella's life.

I made it home in just a few minutes; I was running as fast as I could. When I got in range, I could hear the thoughts going through my family's head…though it was night, the time that I had always dreaded precisely because of the nature of the thoughts going through their minds at this time; they were all with their significant others.

The one thing that I did _not_ want to do was interrupt any member of my family while they were doing _whatever_ they were doing, luckily I could to depend on Alice. She would see that I was coming, so she was there waiting for me at the front door when I arrived. I knew she would be eager to hear how my day with Bella had gone.

"Hello Edward…tell me everything!" she exclaimed anxiously. She was fully dressed in a dark purple strapless dress that went down to her knees, black leggings, and a black jacket, her hair was perfect, and as far as I could tell she had her makeup expertly applied.

"Oh Alice, I don't quite have time for everything. Plus, didn't you see enough in your visions? That you probably already know everything there is to tell? And by the way I heard you spying on us while we were in the meadow. I should be madder at you…but your presence kind of helped, knowing that if things maybe got out of hand that you would be there."

"Please Edward, it's just not the same in my visions. And don't worry, my spying on you was an utter disappointment, I heard next to nothing. I want to hear how it really happened, more than just what these sketchy visions tell me." She pleaded.

"Well I will tell you this…it went _much _better than expected. She loved the meadow." I said proud she had been so mesmerized by my favorite sunny spot.

"I still can't believe that you've never taken any of us to see your precious meadow yet!" She complained.

"And I intend for that status to remain that way. You could find it if you wanted to with your visions if you wanted to anyways. You were very close when you were spying earlier today." I said curtly.

"It's no fun if you don't _want _me there. Well anyways…did you?"

"Did I what?" I asked, not understanding what she was implying.

"Did you kiss her you fool?!" She exclaimed impatiently, the expression on her face growing more and more eager.

"...Here's where using the phrase 'I don't kiss and tell' would be useful…though that pretty much gives away the answer to your question anyway."

She made a high pitched squealing noise that if I was human, I don't think I would even be able to hear. "Ooooh Edward, that's wonderful! And you didn't lose control?"

"Surprisingly no. I became shockingly desensitized today. Being around her scent for so long made for a much easier time resisting…which is also why I'm trying to hurry our of here so I don't lose this new found control." I said, suggesting she let me move on.

"Aaaaaah, so that would explain Bella's shirt pressed up against your nose." She concluded.

"That would be it." I replied. "Listen, I really want to get moving, but please let the rest of the family know that Bella will be our guest for tomorrow. I will be taking her here, and introducing her, and I expect them all to be on their best behavior, and that includes you too, you know." I warned.

"Oh hush up Edward, I'll be fine."

"Well make this excruciatingly clear to Rose; I can't see the future like you can, but I'm just making an educated guess that she'll be less than thrilled upon hearing this news.

"I will try as best that I can, but maybe you would both be better off if Rosalie wasn't there when Bella first comes…just to let the shock sink in to Rose's brain." She said, half-jokingly, half-dead serious.

"That might be a good idea, but at least try to get her to be nice." I said.

"Will do."

"I'm going to go in and change…oh but before I do…" I hesitated, debating whether or not I should tell her about what I heard Bella say in her sleep tonight. But I decided against it, she would want to change her immediately if she knew that was what Bella wanted. Her mind was already filled with thoughts of Bella as one of us, her being best friends with Bella, Bella and I, reciting vows in front of a priest. This premonition became increasingly vivid, Bella was looking stunning in an amazing white gown, me in a slick black tuxedo. Then flashes of us twirling on a dance floor came up in Alice's mind, both still in the same formal attire…though the one thing that shocked me most was, Bella was still human in these flashes.

This vision made me blurt out "So there's a new future for us."

"I was trying to hide it, but it just made me too excited! You and Bella are going to be _married_!" She said, rejoicing at this possibility.

"The future changes." I said coldly.

"But Edward, she's still human here, isn't that what you wanted? To keep her human? Well this shows you that she is human up until you get married at least, and that has to be a few years."

"Yes but you're still seeing visions of her as one of us." I said getting more and more angry. Knowing that I was succumbing her to a life-time married to a vampire, and the endless possibility of damning her to this way of living, it was just too much for the moment.

"Edward, think of this as a good thing, this means that in the possible long-term future, you do not harm Bella. She's safe, your control sticks." She said, hopefully.

I ran into the house and up the stairs to my bedroom, and whispered "For now."

**DISCLAIMER: THE CHARACTERS, STORY LINE, AND SOME DIALOGUE IN THIS DOCUMENT ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER, THIS IS PURELY FAN FICTION FOR THE TWILIGHT SAGA!**


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